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Discussion Groups / English Usage / January 2007Hi. I've been here before so jumping in with grammar mistakes.
Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including what to focus on and study in my many grammar books. Its been a while since I posted two months or so ago. So I here is a paragraph to my story. Please be brutally kind. Placing his file down, Judas stared into Justine's eyes. "Justine, we need to look inside your heart. I want to schedule you for an MRI." "That won't be necessary. Yesterday, I went to a holy-rollers worship. I was healed." "Justine, please. Take my advice as a medical professional. Your heart... She cut him off. "Judas, you don't understand. I have my faith and that's all I need." "I can't convince you, can I?" He said. The vision of her heart dieing melted in his mind. He smiled; reassured her faith would keep her going. Racheal >Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve >my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >an MRI." > "That won't be necessary. Yesterday, I went to a holy-rollers worship. This bothers me. There is no religious denomination called the holy rollers. The term is descriptive - usually derogatorily descriptive - of Pentecostal denominations because the members often do things like roll on the floor when possessed by the Lord. (That is their term, not mine) I can't imagine any member of a Pentecostal church referring to themselves as a holy roller. It's a term that an outsider would use to describe what he/she thinks goes on. A more realistic comment would be "I went to a church service, and I was healed". If you want to indicate that the service was a Pentecostal service, then make up a name for the church smacks of Pentecostal leanings or use one from this list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christian_denominations#Pentecostalism >I was healed." >"Justine, please. Take my advice as a medical professional. Your >heart... She cut him off. >"Judas, you don't understand. I have my faith and that's all I >need." >"I can't convince you, can I?" He said. The vision of her heart >dieing melted in his mind. He smiled; reassured her faith would keep >her going. The word is spelled "dying", but what kind of doctor would think as your doctor thinks? Faith is mental. The heart is mechanical.  SignatureTony Cooper Orlando, FL "rachealbr...@hotmail.com" wrote: > >"I can't convince you, can I?" He said. The vision of her heart > >dieing melted in his mind. He smiled; reassured her faith would keep > >her going. > > The word is spelled "dying", but what kind of doctor would think as > your doctor thinks? Faith is mental. The heart is mechanical. Surely the doctor would be worried about the patient dying, rather than her heart? He sounds like a bad doctor to me anyway. >>Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve >>my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] > The word is spelled "dying", but what kind of doctor would think as > your doctor thinks? Faith is mental. The heart is mechanical. I will add an additional comment or two: 1. If you wish to write fiction in English, do some searches on Google for writing workshops. You need more than a usage group for learning to write as a craft. AEU ain't it, trust me. 2. The dialogue is a tad stilted, and I doubt MRI's are used to "look inside the heart". I am no medical expert, but doctors usually use less evasive testing procedures to determine heart health and or potential blockages. 3. From the little I can gather, you resolve the conflict between medical knowledge and the woman's faith too quickly. No physician is going to be so passive as to simply say okay, the patient's self-assurance trumps my concern. Good writing plays out such tensions. Sign up for classes or something if you are really serious. Joanne >>>Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve >>>my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 43 lines] >the heart". I am no medical expert, but doctors usually use less evasive >testing procedures to determine heart health and or potential blockages. A Cardiac MRI does show the structure of the heart and the condition of the structure of the heart. In effect, the inside of the heart. However, the MRI *is not* an *invasive* procedure. A non-invasive procedure is not evasive. SignatureTony Cooper Orlando, FL >>>>Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve >>>>my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 50 lines] > However, the MRI *is not* an *invasive* procedure. A non-invasive > procedure is not evasive. I know what invasive means. A better word choice might have been aggressive, or non-surgical. I still take issue with you on the use of the MRI in the context of the example. The passage is not all that well written to convince me that the OP knows anything about heart disease. Your cardiologist may have needed the MRI for you for your treatment, but from what I know the MRI is not standard in diagnosing standard coronary syndromes. Joanne >>>I will add an additional comment or two: >>> [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] >example. The passage is not all that well written to convince me that the OP >knows anything about heart disease. Read the link: http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=cardiacmr&bhcp=1 Magnetic resonance imaging is becoming very important in the initial diagnosis and subsequent management of coronary heart disease. MRI can help physicians to look closely at the structures and function of the heart and major vessels quickly and thoroughly, without the risks associated with traditional, more invasive procedures. Using MRI, physicians can examine the size and thickness of the chambers of the heart, and determine the extent of damage caused by a heart attack or progressive heart disease. After a heart attack, for example, an MRI examination can help the cardiologist understand how well the heart is pumping, whether the flow of blood is blocked in any chamber or major vessel, whether the heart muscles are damaged or whether the lining of the heart is swelling. This is critical knowledge needed to administer prompt and effective treatment. MRI can also detect the buildup of plaque and blockages in the blood vessels, making it an invaluable tool for detecting and evaluating coronary artery disease. Recently, specialists in MRI have demonstrated its potential for showing not only the structure, but also the function of the heart muscles, valves and vessels. Using MRI, they have created movie-like images of the beating heart that doctors can use to diagnose a variety of cardiovascular problems. More and more, MRI is being used as part of the traditional cardiac stress test to help physicians with earlier diagnosis and treatment of heart disease and to assess the patients recovery after treatment. (end quote) Cardiac catheterization or coronary angiography are invasive procedures. They require anesthesia. The Cardiac MRI is non-invasive and doesn't require anesthesia. The CMRI is an out-patient procedure that is not even necessarily done in a hospital. It's considerably less expensive. It takes less time; 45 minutes max where a CC takes several hours including the recovery time. Painful hours, I might add. It can provide a more comprehensive diagnoses. >MRI for you for your treatment, but from what I know the MRI is not standard >in diagnosing standard coronary syndromes. That depends on the cardiologist. Some are more progressive than others. Having had both procedures, I'll stick with the progressive cardiologist. CMRI is not a treatment, by the way. It's a diagnostic procedure. SignatureTony Cooper Orlando, FL <cardiology 101 snipped> > That depends on the cardiologist. Some are more progressive than > others. Having had both procedures, I'll stick with the progressive > cardiologist. CMRI is not a treatment, by the way. It's a diagnostic > procedure. Now you're just being your usual pain in the a.s self. I am sure your cardiologist found ordering the MRI useful for diagnostic purposes, for your prognosis, and your treatment. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ > <cardiology 101 snipped> > > That depends on the cardiologist. Some are more progressive than [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Your characterization may be correct--I don't want to say publicly that "It's spot on, girl!--but it sounds like Tony has earned the right here. I defer to his experience. On 28 Dec 2006, Joanne Marinelli wrote ><cardiology 101 snipped> >> CMRI is not a treatment, by the way. It's a diagnostic >> procedure. > Now you're just being your usual pain in the a.s self. I am sure > your cardiologist found ordering the MRI useful for diagnostic > purposes, for your prognosis, and your treatment. But that doesn't make it a "treatment"; it remains a diagnostic tool. Tony's not only correct on that one, but he's bang on topic in an English usage group. SignatureCheers, Harvey Canadian and British English, indiscriminately mixed For e-mail, change harvey.news to harvey.van > On 28 Dec 2006, Joanne Marinelli wrote > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Tony's not only correct on that one, but he's bang on topic in an > English usage group. But I am not an imbecile. I know that an MRI isn't a treatment option just because I wrote *your treatment*. I am fully aware of the fact that it is a sophisticated scanning device. But Tony's cardiologist used it in the course of *his* treatment. Not every heart problem is going to require an MRI, either for diagnosis or to chart the prognosis. Joanne >> On 28 Dec 2006, Joanne Marinelli wrote >> [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] >heart problem is going to require an MRI, either for diagnosis or to chart >the prognosis. The cardiologist uses a diagnostic procedure to determine what the treatment should be of a discovered condition. The "prognosis" is the probable outcome. It is an opinion. SignatureTony Cooper Orlando, FL > Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve > my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Racheal Starting from the top ... 1. Placing "his" file down? Surely, it's "her" file that the male doctor is holding? His dialogue, I believe, would be part of the same paragraph. Others may differ on that point. 2. Write about what you know. I don't think that's cardiology, is it? I think I agree with Joanne that there are other tests to check heart health that would generally precede an MRI, such as EKG, stress tests, barium X-ray (to name a few that I know in passing). Probably others, too. I don't know that MRI plays a large part in cardio exams. 3. I think Tony nailed the "holy-rollers" bit. That's what the doctor would call faith healers, and he'd do it sneeringly (in discussion with his colleagues, unlikely to do that with a patient). With a patient he'd be more ... condescending: "Oh, certainly, faith has its place, Justine. But really, now. We're living in the Twenty-first Century ..." or some such. 4. Missing a double-quotation mark after 'Your heart ...'. 'She cut him off' would lead the next paragraph. 5. "I can't convince you, can I?" he asked. "He said" seems awkward, since he is asking, after all. "He" should be lower-case, as it's the same sentence as his question. 6. "The vision of her heart dying melted in his mind" ... say *what*? What? Patients die. Hearts suffer specific maladies; they don't "die" or "explode" or even, really, "give out" to a doctor. 7. Obviously you don't know cardiologists ... they believe that they *ARE* God. He would never smile, "reassured that her faith would keep her going". In the first place, he wouldn't smile. In the second, he would never be reassured. Finally, he would never admit that he didn't have the answers. Write about what you know. You could learn this, if you want to talk to a few doctors. Now, going back to the top top ... "...and how to fix them, [comma] including ..." "It's" been a few months. Short for "It has"; not "its". "a while since I posted--two months or so" "So here is a section" each carriage return is a paragraph. The way you have it written, this is six paragraphs. >> Well, I have been here before and introduced myself. I hope to improve >> my grammar by learning all my mistakes and how to fix them including [quoted text clipped - 14 lines] >> dieing melted in his mind. He smiled; reassured her faith would keep >> her going. >2. Write about what you know. I don't think that's cardiology, is it? > I think I agree with Joanne that there are other tests to check heart >health that would generally precede an MRI, such as EKG, stress tests, >too. I don't know that MRI plays a large part in cardio exams. The Cardiac MRI can be very much part of the series. There's no indication that this is the first test. For more info on a Cardiac MRI, see: http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=cardiacmr&bhcp=1 >barium X-ray (to name a few that I know in passing). Uhhh...that's used with gastrointestinal tests. Perhaps you're thinking of a cardiac catheterization or a coronary angiography. It's done with dye, but not barium. Barium is swallowed or squirted up the bum. Barium sulfate is used in X-ray tests. Barium carbonate is used as rat poison. One hopes the labels are not mixed. Did I mention that I've been down this road? Had all of these tests? >3. I think Tony nailed the "holy-rollers" bit. That's what the doctor >would call faith healers, No. A faith healer and a holy roller are two different things. Faith healing is done by a faith healer, and a holy roller is a member of a Pentecostal church. Holy rollers are not necessarily into faith healing, but most faith healers are Pentecostals. I went to a Pentecostal service once when I was in high school. I'd heard tales of the congregation rolling about the floor and wanted to see for myself. No one rolled on the floor, but a woman a few seats away from me jumped up in the middle of the sermon and said that God had just spoken to her. The service came to a halt while everyone listened to the message. When she was done, the pastor picked right back up and continued the service. The most notable thing about the experience was how everyone kept interjecting shouts of "Praise Jesus!" and loudly carrying on. Almost a rowdy group. Very different for me, since my prior experiences had all been in the Catholic church. We only vocalize when we're supposed to, and then very sedately. In comparison. >7. Obviously you don't know cardiologists ... they believe that they >*ARE* God. He would never smile, "reassured that her faith would keep >her going". In the first place, he wouldn't smile. Mine does. She smiles, laughs, and jokes around. Quite good as a physician, and quite nice as a person. SignatureTony Cooper Orlando, FL <snip> > >barium X-ray (to name a few that I know in passing). > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > bum. Barium sulfate is used in X-ray tests. Barium carbonate is used > as rat poison. One hopes the labels are not mixed. I was once given a barium potion to drink before getting a cardiological X-ray; this was in the mid-'seventies. The doctors weren't interested in my GI tract, but I guess that having my oesophagus 'highlighted' made it easier for them to identify nearby blood vessels in the images. SignatureOdysseus |
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