Discussion Groups / English Usage / January 2010

[...]

You could always leave them in the corner of the room, telling Danish
jokes to those who are prepared to listen

Don't worry--it's a Scottish wedding.

[...]

What is a seax?

Is anything worn beneath a Danish kilt?

I have no doubt, but you forget: I bring my wife too - (why bring meat to
the slaughter, you might say, but that's the way it is.)

[ .. ]

That wasn't clear to me either, but it's something that Arne needs to
find out. My guess is that it means the same as "black time", but it
would be best not to guess.

Of course I did.  And, I hope that you saw that I was presenting US
custom in general restricted to "we do not normally".  I was not
offering advice to Arne for his specific situation.  

Golly.

I wasn't sure about that (and I didn't have my Debrett handy), but I
didn't think Arne would find his invitation annulled if he put the date
in the wrong place.

I forgot to mention that his reply should be handwritten, and my
suggestion not to sign it incorporated an assumption that it would be
handwritten.

I saw "The Queen" last night, and was interested to see that (at least
in Stephen Frears's eyes) Brenda's househould is still run on Debrett
lines. However, there were various things in the film I had difficulty
in believing. Is it really the case that 10 Downing Street doesn't have
anyone (other than the Prime Minister's wife) to cook the children's
breakfasts? Is Cherie Blair as republican as the film presented her (a
social climber if I ever saw one)? Mind you, the actress playing her
was almost the only one (apart from Brenda herself, but we kept seeing
Chief-Inspector Tennison) who looked more or less the part.

I've seen a separate card for the reception, but I've never
experienced a wedding invitation that did not include an invitation
to the reception.

Here in the bustling Northeast, I can't imagine anyone expecting guests
to sit and write out their responses longhand.  It's hard enough just to
get them to check a box or write a number on the card!

¬R

It's easy enough to check out.  I Googled "wedding invitations",
randomly opened one of the first listings, and then clicked on the
first invitation shown:
http://www.rexcraft.com/WE_ViewEns.cfm?prev=1&TempPrev=0&blnPreviewRequestSubmit
ted=0&recordsperpage=32&CompletedOrder=0&sBasketID=0&sItemCode=WedEns8610&FromHo
me=1&alogo=1&menu=none&morethanonepage=YES&HostDomain=www.rexcraft.com%2F&FirstT
imeThrough=1&format=WedEnsRR&internal=147

The "reception folder" "tips" are: "Reception cards are used to inform
guests of the location of the wedding reception and or dance. Since
reception cards are enclosed in with your invitation, mailing
envelopes are not necessary. Reception cards use the same folding card
as an informal and respond card."

The reply cards are shown as "respond cards" and "respond envelopes".
Click "tips" and it explains the use:  "Respond cards are used to help
determine how many guests plan to attend your wedding. An accurate
count is vital for preparing enough food, seating and other
accommodations so ordering respond cards can actually save you money.
Response cards should be enclosed with your invitation and returned by
guests by the date indicated on the card (usually two weeks before the
wedding.) Today, many cards are printed to allow guests to select an
entree as well as indicate if they will be attending your celebration.

When you purchase your response cards, free response envelopes will be
included. They should be printed with the address of whoever will be
tallying the guest count. As a convenience for your guests, be sure to
include a stamp on each envelope."

What you have seen, or what I have seen, is not necessarily indicative
of what is commonly done.  Unless we are in the wedding planning
business, we've seen only a relatively small sample of what is done.

Also, I wouldn't say that what I have seen is some sort of regional
custom at work.  The wedding invitations we've received in the past 30
years of living in Florida have been from non-native Floridian
families.  Almost all of the people we know are from somewhere else
and would be expected to follow the customs of someplace else.  The
bride and/or groom may have been born in Florida, but not the Moms,
and Moms are usually pretty involved in this particular process.

Our daughter had an open reception (all wedding guests invited)in a
local restaurant with a free bar (But with a cut-off time.  We should
have set a cut-off amount, though), but I've been to several weddings
where a sit-down meal reception was not open, and a separate insert
was the invitation.  

Uhhhh...If you consider that a printed wedding invitation - whether a
faux engraving printed product or a real engraved invitation - to
require a written response, you'll be greatly disappointed if you have
a daughter about to be married.  You'll be lucky to get a high
response rate in any form.  You'll get some notes, some phone calls,
and some response cards back if you send them, but you'll still have
to estimate attendance at much higher than the response indicates if
you're purchasing food and drink.  In our case, the venue had to bring
in an extra bartender during the reception to handle the unexpectedly
large crowd.

At my daughter's wedding, one couple arrived from out-of-state without
any notice and without having acknowledged the invitation at all.
He's the son of the former Director of the Organization of American
States in Washington DC, and she's the daughter of a former diplomat.
They picked up a gift locally on the way to the church and forgot to
include a card.  If it wasn't for the fact that he'd mentioned
something about the gift to my daughter the gift would have gone
unacknowledged.  You'd think they'd know.