Discussion Groups / English Usage / January 2007

The devil is the master of this world. Yet he trembles with fear and
aversion whenever he sees the truth. So he doesn't want to see it. He wants
to stunt its development or preferably choke it altogether. He uses all the
tools he possesses to attain his goal. His tools, or those possessed by him,
are people who are at issue with God and cannot stand the voice of their
conscience. They lie readily and experience deep-felt satisfaction every
time they succeed in deceiving others. They invent lies and get others
involved in the rubbish they have concocted to distract them from the truth.

  One of their inventions is called Christmas. It is a festival whose
observance is supposed to indicate one's devotion to God. By celebrating
Jesus' birth (allegedly on December 25) we manifest our piety. We show how
much we love Jesus by stuffing the elastic bag-like organs called stomachs
with enormous quantities of food. Just like we'd stuffed the turkey before
roasting it, now we do it to ourselves; don't forget - all that out of love
to Jesus. Later when we are so stuffed we can't move, we start moaning and
groaning - our stomach ulcers have woken up. Later a guy or a woman adds
some idiotic lyrics to the moans and thus Christmas carols were conceived.
Later somebody else devotes all his mental skills to finding the sense of
the lyrics. They ponder where the bluebird has skedaddled, scratching their
scrotum (some people scratch the parts closest to their minds while
thinking). Some three months later we celebrate again. Damn, how pious we
are! This time Jesus' death in a festival called Easter, that way showing
our affection to our Lord and Saviour. And how do we observe this festival?
Of course by devouring as much as we can and ending up at the
gastroenterologist's. While experiencing our abdominal pains we unite
spiritually with Jesus on the cross. Damn, how pious we are! This gastric
pain becomes unbearable. In fact it is so excruciating that from now on God
Himself should celebrate this day, every year, to commemorate our agony in
bed. But how should He celebrate it? Are there turkeys in Heaven?

mike