Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we
need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the
international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
You probably don't know English, but you are very likely to have heard the
song "Sound of Music". As you can see, music is a kind of communicator tool
that bridges the gap between different cultures. People also resort to music
to express their emotions, feelings, and even ideas. Musis plays a very
important role in our everyday life.
As an excellent communication tool, music can convey information much better
than what people say. When a young man falls in love with a young lady, a
piece of music played by guitar sometimes touch the girl's heart much
easilier than thousands of sweet words. In World War II, a very famous song
encouraged Chinese to keep fighting with invaders against so much
difficulty. And the song later became national song of China.
Music is also an international "language". A Chinese and an Australian may
not be able to understand each other by speaking. But they both can
understand the music of "Sound of Music". If somebody want to have some
basic concept of a country, one of the best ways is listening to the
traditional music of that country.
The traditional music of a country refers to the type of music that has
existed at that country for a long history, and often had been the
mainstream music. But nowadays, we can hear a lot of music in almost any
country, which is called the international music. In my opinion, the
traditional music is more important thant the international music. And we
should take more activities to preserve it. Because all international music
originated from traditional music. Jazz's origin is traditional African
music, and the famous music style Flamenco is mixed by traditional Indian
music and old-time Spanish music.
In conculsion, music is an important part of human life, and among different
music types, we should take more activities to preserve traditional music.
Hi mate. In general, your English is quite fair for a learner and I
shouldn't like to tamper with your essay too much. Besides, it seems
that your intended audience consists of non-native speakers as well.
So, it should be all right. I have included a few minor corrections
which I think can be incorporated into your essay without rewriting it
wholesale.
> Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we
> need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the
> international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
>
> You probably don't know English, but you are very likely to have heard the
> song "Sound of Music". As you can see, music is a kind of communicator tool
correction:Here or elsewhere in the essay, I wouldn't recommend
calling music a tool.'tool' in slang means a crusty, peevish person.
Even ignoring this,'tool' seems to imply that music is utilitarian
which it certainly isn't. Here and elsewhere, you were better
saying:'music is a language',i.e replace every instance of 'music is a
communication tool' with 'music is a language'.
that bridges the gap between different cultures. People also resort
to music
> to express their emotions, feelings, and even ideas. Musis plays a very
> important role in our everyday life.
correction:Rather than saying that music is a part of our everyday
life, I'd stress here that music belongs to that part of life which
takes us beyond the grind of everyday routine, a side of life which
makes life worth living for its own sake.
> As an excellent communication tool, music can convey information much better
> than what people say.
Correction:Music is a magical language that conveys emotion(not
information) in a way speech never could.
For the rest of the passage, I shall adopt the convention of
putting the offending word or phrase in square brackets and the
correction following it in regular brackets.
When a young man falls in love with a young lady, a
> piece of music [played by guitar](played on a guitar) sometimes [touch](touches) the girl's heart [much](more)
> easilier(easily) than thousands of sweet words. In World War II, a very famous song
[quoted text clipped - 19 lines]
> In conclusion, music is an important part of human life, and among different
> music types, we should take more activities to preserve traditional music.(This is a rather weak conclusion. I'd rewrite it to be a little more poignant and memorable. But I'll leave that to you)
jinhyun - 28 Jan 2007 14:56 GMT
A few corrections to the corrections!
> Hi mate. In general, your English is quite fair for a [learner](learner's) and I
> shouldn't like to tamper with your essay too much. Besides, it seems
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
> > You probably don't know English, but you are very likely to have heard the
> > song "Sound of Music". [As you can see](so you see), music is a kind of communicator tool
correction:Here or elsewhere in the essay, I wouldn't recommend
> calling music a tool.'tool' in slang means a crusty, peevish person.
> Even ignoring this, 'tool' seems to imply that music is utilitarian
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> to music> to express their emotions, feelings, and even ideas. Musis plays a very
> > important role in our everyday life.
correction:Rather than saying that music is a part of our everyday
> life, I'd stress here that music belongs to that part of life which
> takes us beyond the grind of everyday routine, a side of life which
> makes life worth living for its own sake.
>
> > As an excellent communication tool, music can convey information much better
> > than what people say.
Correction:Music is a magical language that conveys emotion(not
> information) in a way speech never could.
>
[quoted text clipped - 26 lines]
> > In conclusion, music is an important part of human life, and among different
> > music types, we should take more activities to preserve traditional music.(This is a rather weak conclusion. I'd rewrite it to be a little more poignant and memorable. But I'll leave that to you)- Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text -
> Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we
> need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> to express their emotions, feelings, and even ideas. Musis plays a very
> important role in our everyday life.
"The Sound of Music"
> Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today.
> Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more
[quoted text clipped - 41 lines]
> important one:]
> traditional music.
Just one approach. Your original was pretty good, and I encourage you
to reject those of my changes that don't appeal to you and to make
further changes as you see fit.
You might want to think about the second paragraph, where you inform
your readers in English that they probably don't know the language.
In my opinion, your conclusion could also use some further thought.
Clandy - 29 Jan 2007 07:27 GMT
Thank you all for you kind help!
>> Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today.
>> Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more
[quoted text clipped - 42 lines]
> readers in English that they probably don't know the language. In my
> opinion, your conclusion could also use some further thought.