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Discussion Groups / English Usage / May 2007Thereby?
I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, though I like the sentence better with it for some reason I was thus wondering what people here would advise. "The detective logically associated the evidence, thereby revealing that the murderer had drugged the victim before dumping her in the river." Thanks. Bob > I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, > though I like the sentence better with it for some reason I was thus [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > that the murderer had drugged the victim before dumping her in the > river." This sentence says the detective's mental processes revealed that the victim had been drugged. The court would probably prefer the proposition that forensic evidence exposed this fact. The word "associated" seems unusual in this context. Most writers about crime suggest either that the evidence speaks for itself or that detectives analyse or integrate the evidence. The usual meanings of "associate" seem to provide no information for the sentence.  SignatureDon Phillipson Carlsbad Springs (Ottawa, Canada) Bob Banks filted: >I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, >though I like the sentence better with it for some reason I was thus [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >that the murderer had drugged the victim before dumping her in the >river." I have no problem with "thereby" in this context, but I'm not as happy with "logically associated"...there must be a more appropriate verb for what you're trying to say....r Signature"You got Schadenfreude on my Weltanschauung!" "You got Weltanschauung in my Schadenfreude!" [snip] > I have no problem with "thereby" in this context, but I'm not as happy with > "logically associated"...there must be a more appropriate verb for what you're > trying to say....r [snip] Yes, leave "thereby" in and change "logically associated" to something else, say "pieced together." -- Aloha ~~~ Ozzie Maland ~~~ San Diego > Bob Banks filted: >> [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > you're > trying to say....r Exactly. He logically weighed, logically considered or logically assessed the evidence......sound better to me. > Bob Banks filted: >> I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > happy with "logically associated"...there must be a more appropriate > verb for what you're trying to say....r My feelings precisely. The use of "thereby" is correct, but the sentence as a whole looks clumsy. I would go for something like "Having looked at the evidence, the detective concluded that ...". If it's important to emphasise that the association of apparently unrelated evidence was the big breakthrough, or that the detective saw things that other people missed, this can be done by using two sentences: one for the reasoning process, the second for the conclusion. SignaturePeter Moylan http://www.pmoylan.org Please note the changed e-mail and web addresses. The domain eepjm.newcastle.edu.au no longer exists, and I can no longer receive mail at my newcastle.edu.au addresses. The optusnet address could disappear at any time. >Bob Banks filted: >> [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] >"logically associated"...there must be a more appropriate verb for what you're >trying to say....r Me neither? "Arranged the evidence as a timeline"? > I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, > though I like the sentence better with it for some reason I was thus [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > that the murderer had drugged the victim before dumping her in the > river." Without the "thereby" there is an ambiguity in the sentence regarding who or what is revealing the actions of the murderer. Do you want it to be the detective or the evidence? SignatureSkitt (in Hayward, California) http://www.geocities.com/opus731/ > I can' t decide whether to use 'thereby" in the following sentence, > though I like the sentence better with it for some reason I was thus > wondering what people here would advise. > "The detective logically associated the evidence, thereby revealing > that the murderer had drugged the victim before dumping her in the > river." Your "thereby" is wonderful with your "logical" context! Logic - Thereby, yes! Yes! However, and there is always a but, I am that butt. I will suggest adding some spice to your sentence, if a story. Your "logically associated" I like, but as others have whined, you need a bit more, not removal of your phrase. Thereby is great with logic! "Detective Clouseau logically associated his evidence with this murder, thereby revealing the murderer drugged his victim before dumping her body into the River Thames." Give your detective a name. This evidence is not "the" evidence, this is his or her evidence. Remove your "that" this is too harsh sounding of a word for good rhythm. Same for "had" in your sentence. This victim is the murderer's victim, his victim, her victim, not "the" victim. Use of "her body" provides morbidity and finality. Give your river a name or personify your river; into that cold, deep river, into a murky and filthy river. Use of "a river" without name will add suspense and mystery. "...before dumping her, still alive, into a dark and deep river" *SCREAMS* Scary! "Detective Clouseau, after days of investigation and sleepless thought, logically associated his gruesome evidence with this murder, thereby revealing the murderer drugged his helpless victim before dumping her, still alive, into a chilly dark river, drowning her very soul." Your "logically" and "thereby" are an excellent pairing regardless of how you end up writing your paragraph. SignaturePurl Gurl -- "Then again what can you expect from a fat-assed, champagne swilling, half-breed just off the Rez?" - Joe Kline |
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