long sentence

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Ieyasu - 31 Dec 2003 03:45 GMT

"I am deeply stirred by a saying which expresses the
agony of a bereaved son/daughter who cannot practice filial piety when he/she
finally accomplishes in career after striving."

I feel that the above sentence is a bit long, does anybody get an idea to
curtail it?

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Rushtown - 31 Dec 2003 04:11 GMT

>Subject: long sentence
>From: Ieyasu kkleung@cse.cuhk.edu.hk
[quoted text clipped - 7 lines]
>I feel that the above sentence is a bit long, does anybody get an idea to
>curtail it?

I am deeply moved by a saying which expresses the emotions of a bereaved child
who cannot thank his parents for his successful career.

Your sentence isn't necessarily too long---it contains a few separate ideas and
so cannot be made very short.

The problem is that it is awkward and contains at least one idea that Americans
and the British are not familier with. American sons and daughters do not
"express filial piety" after they accomplish their life's goals---and their
parents do not expect this.
They just show gratitude.

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Bill Bonde ( the oblique allusion in lieu of the frontal attack ) - 31 Dec 2003 07:05 GMT

> "I am deeply stirred by a saying which expresses the
> agony of a bereaved son/daughter who cannot practice filial piety when he/she
> finally accomplishes in career after striving."
>
> I feel that the above sentence is a bit long, does anybody get an idea to
> curtail it?

You could drop the son/daughter and he/she, and instead use 'adult
child' or 'grown child'. Also, what does the sentence mean? "Accomplish"
is a transitive verb. What is being accomplished?

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"Throw me that lipstick, darling, I wanna redo my stigmata."
+-Jennifer Saunders, "Absolutely Fabulous"

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CyberCypher - 31 Dec 2003 07:05 GMT

"Bill Bonde ( the oblique allusion in lieu of the frontal attack )"
<stderr2@backpacker.com> wrote on 31 Dec 2003:

>> "I am deeply stirred by a saying which expresses the
>> agony of a bereaved son/daughter who cannot practice filial piety
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
> child' or 'grown child'. Also, what does the sentence mean?
> "Accomplish" is a transitive verb. What is being accomplished?

It means "succeeds" or, more precisely, "achieves career goals after
working hard at it" ("striving"). This kind of word-choice error is not
uncommon for students of another language. The dictionary the OP used
shows both the transitive "to accomplish sthg" and the intransitive "to
succeed {in/at} sthg" as synonymous, but the OP didn't see the usage
difference.

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Franke: EFL teacher & medical editor.

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Discussion Groups / English Usage / December 2003

long sentence