Discussion Groups / English Usage / January 2009

I've listed sentences from my manuscript with Bob's edits following so
we can all benefit from his vast crossword puzzle publishing background:

I wrote --

"Accompanying the six coaches were a detachment of King's dragoons"

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Bob's edit:

[Were they in the coaches or alongside? If the latter -- and that's what
the preceding paragraph suggests -- they were accompanying those in the
coaches, not the coaches.

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But ...

"Accompanying the motorcade ..."
http://tinyurl.com/6tu2do

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I wrote --

"12 slim-waisted men bristling with sword, pistol, and
campaign gear ..."

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Bob's edit:

"Bristle" implies some sort of aggressiveness.  I'd say "wearing," which
is neutral. Surely they weren't arriving to attack the palace.

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But ...

"Bristling with weapons..."
http://tinyurl.com/77rfgx

*********************************************************

"Poor, Franz was looking ..."

Of course the comma after Poor is a typo. No matter, Bob treats it as if
it were intentional:

--------------------------------------------->
Bob's edit:

 Poor, [It's early in 2009, but this is a strong
contender for dumbest comma of the year]

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More from Bob's fiction workshop coming directly.

EG