Discussion Groups / English Usage / January 2009

No, I don't like you, Bob. And we need to talk about that. Let's start here:

You should talk about flexibility, Bob. You made about 25 edits on my
except none of which you're apparently interested in defending. I've set
up a thread for you to do that, but you've yet to respond.

Your problem is you don't know the difference between an error and a
stylistic preference.

For example, I wrote:

"Accompanying the six coaches were a detachment of King's dragoons"

Your edit was:

"Were they in the coaches or alongside? If the latter -- and that's what
the preceding paragraph suggests -- they were accompanying those in the
coaches, not the coaches."

Well, that's ridiculous, Bob. It takes our colloquial use of language
and tortures it into something it was never meant to be -- a pool of
words to be inserted into crossword puzzles.

We don't write "accompanying the people in the motorcade" we write

"Accompanying the motorcade was a detachment of motorcycle police."
http://tinyurl.com/6tu2do

In other words, Bob, you think editing fiction is the same thing as
doing a crossword puzzle when it most assuredly is not.

---------------------------------------------------->

Here's another example of your wrongheadedness:

I wrote --

"12 slim-waisted men bristling with sword, pistol, and
campaign gear ..."

Your edit:

"Bristle" implies some sort of aggressiveness.  I'd say "wearing," which
is neutral. Surely they weren't arriving to attack the palace.

----------------------------------------------------->

Wrong, Bob.

Their purpose has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they were
armed to the teeth. Again, your edit is just wrongheaded.

Also, for reasons unclear, you told me to get rid of "12" and write it out.

Again -- wrong, Bob.

And in every edit following these you do the same thing -- replace what
I've written for no other reason than you were able to find an
alternative you preferred.

Well, that's not editing; that's a guy trying to write my book for me.

Finally, here's something else that's not editing: cheap shots.

I wrote:

"Poor, Franz was looking ..."

Obviously, the comma after poor is a typo.

Not in your book, Crossword Puzzle Bob. In your book it's the "dumbest
comma of the year!"

--------------------------------------------->
Bob's edit:

 Poor, [It's early in 2009, but this is a strong
contender for dumbest comma of the year]
---------------------------------------------->

Ironically enough, right after making this claim, you gave us a sentence
with three of your own typos.

But wait ... Crossword Bob was just getting warmed up ...

Once he figured he had everybody's attention, he gave us this gem:

------------------------------------------------->
I recommend you stop all attempts at creative writing for at least six
months and spend your time reading the finest English prose you can
get your hands on.  If that doesn't do it, I recommend stopping again,
this time for good.

There's nothing wrong with a lack of talent.  I lack talent in so many
fields -- creative writing included -- that I doubt the remainder of
my life would suffice to enable me to list them all.  From what I've
read of your writing, you have no talent for it.  Consider trying
something else.
------------------------------------------------->

Can you imagine that?

He gets every edit absolutely wrong, has never penned as much as a love
letter in his life, and yet has the nerve to give the kind of pompous
speech Ezra Pound would have had too much humility to give to the worst
hack writer of all time.

Honestly, Bob, since you've never studied plot, characterization,
dialogue, action, narrative, etc ... since you know zero about these
things, what are you doing pontificating on fiction?

You have no expertise in the field. You've admitted this yourself -- so
why are you holding yourself forth as a guru?

And how long have you been pulling this crap around here?

How long have you been telling young writers their writing sucks and
should try something else?

How long, Crossword Bob?

EG