Ready for the Publisher -- Any Errors?
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elanders - 23 Jan 2009 02:13 GMT Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my first three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to the publisher.
Any errors not would be appreciated.
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GANNIBAL!
Spring 1760– Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Germany
Frau Mueller’s knees were knocking …
She was sitting in the grand banquet hall of her liege lord, Duke Frederick of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. Although the most skilled hair dresser in the duchy, never before had she been summoned to the Duke's palace; never before had she thought such good fortune possible.
Heidi, her sixteen-year old assistant, was all agog at the richness of the magnificent room. Indeed, such was her stupefaction that when Frau Mueller asked whether she remembered to pack the beeswax, the girl hadn't answered. Hopefully, she would snap out of it; meanwhile, Frau Mueller rummaged through the baskets herself.
Intelligence was scant: everyone knew the issue with the Princess's hair; no one knew what the Duke wanted done about it. Some said he wanted his sister's hair bleached blond, and if this was so, Frau Mueller had the very thing for that. Others said the Duke wanted it cut to a Joan of Arc fringe, and this too Frau Mueller could do with flourish.
But the gossip that excited her the most held the Duke wanted his sister’s hair straightened. Straightening even the coarsest hair was possible using today's modern remedies with the added bonus the customer then required regular maintenance. A maintenance contract with the Duke's could serve as collateral for a loan on the small hair shop Frau Mueller wanted.
The Duke's footsteps sounded from the hall. Poor Heidi looked as if she was ready to dive under the table. She grabbed Frau Mueller's arm and said in a hushed voice, "He's coming." Seconds later Duke Frederick entered the room.
"Ah, Frau Mueller!" he said. And he gave the most splendid bow.
Frau Mueller and Heidi were already standing, and as they had practiced all morning, they executed perfect German curtsies.
"Your Grace," the women said in unison.
Duke Frederick waved his hand. "Ladies be seated, please.” He looked from Frau Mueller to Heidi then said, “Your daughter?"
"My apprentice, Your Grace."
"Most excellent."
Other footsteps came from the hall then the Princess entered. She was wearing a white skirt of Chambery gauze and her hair was covered in a big headscarf made of cambric. She seemed younger than her sixteen years. Frau Mueller and Heidi jumped up again and immediately curtsied her.
"Good Day," said the Princess in a voice as pure as a child's.
"And this as you know,” said the Duke motioning to his sister, “is Princess Charlotte."
"An honor, Your Grace," said Frau Mueller.
A serving girl appeared with a tray of apricots and bread, but Frau Mueller declined knowing it would be impossible to eat under such pressure.
"And how is your father, Frau Mueller?" asked the Duke.
"As well as can be expected, Your Grace” – she titled her head in supplication – “and he sends his best wishes to you and the rest of the ducal family."
The Duke turned to the Princess. "Did you know, Charlotte, Frau Mueller's father is the oldest man in the duchy?"
The Princess smiled. "I have heard of this, Frederick, and think it remarkable." She turned to the older woman: "Please give your father our wishes for many more years of good health, Frau Mueller."
Frau Mueller curtsied again then said, "My Lady … Your Grace. It's been an honor to be your humble servants these many years and we look forward to many years to come."
This went over splendidly so much so Frau Mueller made a mental note to give Mildred, the lawyer's wife, something extra for coaching her on the proper things to say to people of such high birth. The Duke coughed then said, "See here, Frau Mueller, I've summoned you for a matter I’m told your skills alone hold the key."
"Yes, Your Grace."
He pointed to his sister. "The Princess's hair – Charlotte, remove your scarf."
Charlotte removed her scarf to reveal a thick mane of kinky hair.
"As I was saying," the Duke continued, "my sister's hair is of a texture we would like to permanently change."
"Permanently, sir?"
"Can it be done?"
Frau Mueller stood up and pointed toward the Princess. "May I?"
"Yes, of course," said Duke Frederick.
Frau Mueller walked around the Princess her eyes locked on the young woman's hair.
"Heidi – my magnifying glass!"
Heidi snapped out of her wonderment and began rummaging one of the baskets. Finding the magnifying glass, she handed it over. Frau Mueller continued her circular inspection now peering through the magnifying glass. She stopped and said, "Lady Charlotte, if it pleases, may I touch your hair?"
"Yes, you must," said Charlotte.
Carefully, as if she were about to touch a precious jewel, Frau Mueller let her fingers touch the girl's hair. She frowned. It not only looked kinky, it felt kinky.
"Has it always been this, eh … texture, madam?"
"I believe so, Frau Mueller."
Frau Mueller turned to the Duke. "I ask the question, Your Grace, because children sometimes grow out of it … but let me see–” She turned back to Charlotte. “If I remember correctly, Lady Charlotte, you’re sixteen summers, no?"
"Yes, I am, Frau Mueller.”
Frau Mueller gave a warm laugh. "I remember, ma’am, because you were born the same year as my youngest."
"Yes, I know – and her name is Aarika, is it not?"
"Yes, Lady Charlotte!" said Frau Mueller stunned. And in an instant she was beaming as proudly as she ever had. "You do me a great honor in remembering the name of such a worthless child, Lady Charlotte. When I tell her she will be very pleased – very pleased, indeed."
Everyone laughed approvingly at this. Frau Mueller, it seemed, knew how to turn a phrase.
Thrilled with the princess's unexpected kindness, Frau Mueller smiled at the Duke, curtsied the princess yet again, then cut Heidi a look that said, “Mark that well, girl – the Princess of Mecklenburg knows my daughter's name!”
Heidi smiled. Frau Mueller continued her inspection; then she stopped, looked at the Duke and said, "Your Grace, is it possible – and if it isn't I will surely understand – that I may snip a lock of hair from the princess for closer analysis?”
"Yes, of course."
Frau Mueller snapped her fingers; Heidi dug into the baskets, retrieved a pair of scissors and handed them over. Frau Mueller grabbed the scissors without letting her eyes off the princess's hair. She considered where to cut, lifted a tuft, and snipped.
"Ah!"
In a moment Frau Mueller was back at her baskets. She rifled through one, pointed to a second, rejected this, pointed to a third. From this she retrieved a small jar and a large one. She motioned Heidi to push the fourth basket forward. From this she retrieved a pair of gloves, thin flat stone, and more jars. She then assembled all the pomades, powders, emollients and tools around the flat stone. She placed the lock of hair on the center of the stone, inspected it once more with the looking glass then put on the gloves.
"I believe this procedure might be of some help, Your Grace," she said, waving her hand over the assemblage. "I've been corresponding with the guild in Berlin who gave me a good account of it. It comes from Paris."
"Paris?" said Charlotte, unable to resist. For although she had long been tutored in French, she had yet conversed with a native French speaker.
"Yes, Lady Charlotte," said Frau Mueller. "All the latest hair techniques come from France – and of course in Paris there are many foreigners with your grade of hair. "
"There are?" said Charlotte, her curiosity piqued. It was her first time hearing this. She thought about it for a second then said, "And where do these foreigners come from – originally?”
"Africa, mainly, although – "
"Enough!" the Duke shouted.
Frau Mueller was stunned – what had she said wrong?
"Yes, of course, Your Grace."
More frightened than she could ever remember being, Heidi stared at Frau Mueller then the Duke – what had she said wrong?
The Duke's voice came like a whip: "And what's said here today stays here, Frau Mueller – is that understood?"
"Yes, but of course, Your Grace."
Another rebuke – but why? Frau Mueller hadn't a clue.
And even now the storm wasn't over for the Duke was out of his chair, eyes glaring, muscles in his face quivering.
"Do your work, Frau," he said, breathing deeply, noisily. “You are not here to gossip!”
"Yes, Your Grace."
He looked at his sister with a wild-eyed, crazy look then turned back to the two trembling women: "Have the Princess fetch me when you're done."
"As you wish, sir."
And then he was gone, storming out of the room like a man challenged to a duel.
Summer 1760 — A Trip to Mecklenburg
It was seed and harvest time and across the valley’s golden fields heavy-bodied men and women were digging like ground hogs, digging while the summer sun peaked through the fleecy clouds, digging for what, the Englishman in the passing coach could not imagine. The coachman slowed the four exhausted horses then called out, "The palace of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, sir – straight ahead!"
Pressing a perfumed handkerchief to his nose to protect from the dust, John Shackleton, Principal Painter in Ordinary to King George II, looked out of the coach past the rows of haystacks to a rectangular boxlike building that looked more a barn than palace.
"What … is that?” he asked.
"The palace of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, sir!” said the coachman, chest out, chin high.
"Palace?" Shackleton said, rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing the same thing the coachman was seeing.
The coachman smiled. “Isn't she beautiful, sir?”
“Fit for the gods.”
“Huh …?”
Shackleton was fifty-five with a round belly, rosy cheeks, and balding head all of which made him often mistaken for a parish vicar or Oxford don, vocations he now wished he had pursued. The coachman whistled, cracked his whip, and the carriage was rolling down the road again. Jolted by the quick start Shackleton grabbed his easel to prevent it from toppling. Not long after the carriage pulled in front of the palace. Duke Frederick was standing on the porch in a green Châlons jacket and red vest. He was a smallish man with a beard shaped like a wedge. He looked more a French customs inspector than German aristocratic. He was grinning.
"Welcome, Mr. Shackleton," he called out in heavily accented English.
Shackleton was stepping our of the coach. He looked up and smiled. "You speak, English, Duke Frederick – we weren't sure."
"Much better French," said Duke Frederick.
"Well, good for you – good for you," said Shackleton, reaching for the Duke's hand. "I only wish I had some ability with languages, but paint is the only thing that sticks to this Anglo-Saxon head."
A servant came out and doffed his alpine hat. The Duke pointed to Shackleton's gear; the long-limbed man went for it.
"Franz will get your things, Herr Shackleton."
The Duke and Shackleton walked into the palace. Two young women waited for them in the foyer: one, quite the German beauty and exactly what Shackleton had hoped for; the other … not beautiful in the least . . . some kind of ethnic mix. Shackleton immediately hoped she wasn't Princess Charlotte.
"And these are my sisters," said the Duke. "This is Princess Albertina . . . And this one, Princess Charlotte."
Shackleton groaned inside as the women curtsied. Princess Charlotte was the queer one.
“And a very lovely princess she is,” lied Shackleton somehow managing to smile at the strange-looking girl.
“Thank you, sir,” she replied in a sweet maiden’s voice.
Well, at least she's sweet, thought Shackleton. And with a little luck perhaps her brother – if he's fabulously wealthy, which by all appearances he's not – will be able to hook some impoverished prince into marrying her. It was her bone structure mainly – where on earth did she get it? As an artist Shackleton understood bone structure, most especially that of German princesses, for it was German princesses all the royal European houses demanded. This demand was echoed in royal houses as far away as Russia, the Ottoman Empire and beyond. Shackleton had painted German princesses all of his professional career and never seen bone structure like hers. Simply put, German princesses did not look like her – in fact, neither did English princesses, or for that matter, any princesses he’d known.
Who the deuce was behind this farce? The girl was no German princess – her hair, nose, lips, hatchet jaw were all wrong.
The Duke was leading them into the banquet room. Shackleton was still fuming: how long did they expect him to continue this charade? Gad! Even her body doesn’t measure up – too thin and woefully bereft of anything that might help a fellow forget her face. She had nothing – nothing. What's the point? Why even waste pigment on such a hopeless creature?
“The light is best in our dining hall and we’ve prepared refreshments,” said the Duke, waving his hand toward the feast on the table. The aroma hit Shackleton's nose like the heat from a blast oven. He hadn't eaten since somewhere in the dark morning and then only a cup of tea and buttered bread. Instantly his foreboding about the girl was replaced by a ravenous hunger : Is that sturgeon? And that there – is it actually brisket of beef? And over there – Heavens! Kidney pie! You can see the meat, peas, and potatoes peeking up from the little hole in its center – Good Lord!
“I hope you're hungry,” said the Duke.
“Hungry? Do we really have time to eat, Your Grace – well, if you insist.”
“Do you drink German beer, Mr. Shackleton?”
“Beer? A sip now and then, Your Grace.”
The Duke motioned for the serving girl to pour the beer which she did filling a giant-sized tankard to the brim. The Duke then placed it on the table in front of Shackleton.
“Careful, now, Herr Shackleton, our Mecklenburg beer and has a kick like a mule.”
Shackleton laughed, quaffed the tankard dry, burped, then waved the girl forward for a refill. He made short work of this too and by the time he finished his mind was working at a feverish pace: God – this Mecklenburg brew is choice! And who knows, if I drink enough I might actually be able to paint a portrait of the girl. Say! Maybe that’s the plan – liquor me up so I paint a Mona Lisa instead of the girl sitting in front of me. Well, If that’s what he’s up to, I’ve got news for him – the King’s Principal Painter in Ordinary is not so easily tricked, sir. One beer or one-thousand beers, I paint exactly what I see, warts and all.
But after four tankards of the foamy stuff Shackleton was painting an image of Charlotte he did not see, at least with his naked eye. It was the potent Mecklenburg beer, of course. It had made what seemed an impossible task only moments earlier now an exercise in pleasure. His paint brush was flying across the canvas as if it had wings. What had he been thinking? How could he have been so wrong? Princess Charlotte was as fetching a Teutonic princess as ever there was; just a matter of perspective, that’s all. And such was the Royal painter’s new resolve until he reached her forehead and was about to render the first strokes of hair. He looked toward the princess his head turned and eyes squinting. He craned his neck and squinted harder.
“Is there something wrong, Herr Shackleton?” asked the Duke who had perched himself on a stool and was observing all.
“No, no – just the light, I’m sure,” said Shackleton. The Duke and Princess looked at the glorious sunshine pouring into the hall then looked at each other thinking the same thing: the light was as perfect as can be. Shackleton looked at the sunshine pouring into the hall and thought the same thought. He laughed. “Fifty-year old eyes playing tricks on me again,” he said. The Duke and Princess gave polite smiles.
Then it happened. Suddenly Shackleton’s beery face lost all color. “Heavenly Father!” he gasped, dropping his paint-brush and nearly tipping over the easel.
The Duke jumped off his stool. “Herr Shackleton – are you all right?”
“Me? Your Grace? Yes – perfectly all right.”
But Shackleton wasn't perfectly all right because as he had squinted at Charlotte’s hair once more it suddenly dawned on him where he had seen hair like hers before – the Negro girl who sells ginger cakes in front of Newgate Jail!
London: John Shackleton's Studio After arranging the four portraits on easels, Shackleton stepped back and surveyed the lineup. He had placed Princess Charlotte's portrait last in the lineup so the other–prettier!– princesses would be seen before her. King George II and the wife of his deceased son, the Dowager Princess Augusta, would arrive soon for this purpose. Still, with the exception of how fraudulently he had covered up Princess Charlotte's ethnic features, Shackleton was pleased with himself. He had done as well as could be expected. The project cost two months of his life traveling to German principalities so remote they weren't even on the map. As to the princesses, their futures were now out of his hands. One would become the queen of the greatest empire on the planet while the others would grow fat in their gloomy German palaces never to be heard from again. Life is hard and then you die.
Shackleton sighed, walked down the line of portraits once more, then signaled the page.
"You may summon the Dowager Princess Augusta, boy."
The page bowed. "Yes, sir.”
The portraits were commissioned by King George II, grandfather of heir-apparent Prince George. But Shackleton knew it was really the Prince’s mother, the Dowager Princess Augusta, who was behind the commission. When her husband Frederic Prince of Wales died, she made it clear anyone who fouled-up her plans to have her cousin marry her son, would know her wrath once her son became king.
Directly, the Dowager Princess Augusta arrived with Lord Bute. The Dowager was a tall, 40-year old German beauty who wore great gowns and petticoats made with massive amounts of cloth. She wore a type of hat no other women wore – an admiral's hat worn sideways. The effect was wonderfully Iberian and when she was whipping her skirts and petticoats about her, it gave her the appearance of a matador whipping his cape over the horns of a charging bull. Younger men found her irresistible then found themselves in the Tower for their impudence. It was said she encouraged their impudence.
"Ah! John Shackleton, you've finally returned," said the Dowager.
"So very good to see you again, Your Highness," said Shackleton taking a deep bow.
"So, how was your trip?" asked Lord Bute, the future prime minister.
"The Greeks have a word for it," said Shackleton.
Bute snickered.
The Dowager stepped forward. "Cleverly put, sir, but, are you confident you've captured the likeness of each princess?"
"Every blade of hair," Shackleton lied.
The Dowager gave him a hard smile. "I should hate to think otherwise."
"Now, now,” said Lord Bute. “Don't let her frighten you, Shackleton. Her bite is worse than her bark.”
“And stop being so clever, Bute,” said the Dowager. “I’m tired of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays and I wish to heavens we had a few fools left.”
“But we do, Your Highness,” said Bute.
“And what do they talk about?”
“Clever people.”
“Fools!”
The Earl of Bute was one of those chaps with an eternal smile, except when you angered him at which point he'd bore his gray eyes into you with such imperious disdain, it made you want to grab your hat and run from the room. He dressed in more ermine than the King and didn't wear a wig but powered his gray hair with starch so it was whiter still. A highly-educated man, he had two law degrees, was a past member of the House of Lords, and besides being the Dowager's not-so-secret lover, had been Prince George's surrogate father since the boy's biological father died eight years earlier. All of which rendered him in the parlance of the time set for life, or at least set until he did something exceedingly stupid, which as fortune would have it, he was soon to do. He was 50, but exceedingly well-preserved because he drank in moderation and exercised excessively (riding and fencing).
Bute gave the painter a diplomat's grin then said, “You may not know this, Shackleton, but we were very near making arrangements for all the princesses to come to London until their families got wind and became unionized! They sent a letter to our Ladyship – in Latin! – refusing to have their precious daughters stand on auction, as they put it, even for the future king of England.”
The Dowager gave a mirthless laugh. "Those old German families are so stuck in their ways, no modern sensibility to speak of. Would you believe, Mr. Shackleton, one of them actually asked if the prince – the heir-apparent! – could travel to Germany to be interviewed by her daughter! Can you imagine that? What will they ask for next –references?"
Lord Bute was looking at the first portrait.
"Your Highness, here's a comely lass if ever there was one.”
The Dowager walked to the portrait, stared at it, turned to Shackleton and said, "And she is …?"
Shackleton smiled for this princess was his favorite (which is why he put her portrait first). "Princess Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel, Your Highness."
The Dowager and Lord Bute exchanged frowns. And it was at this very instant a page in the hallway announced loudly, "HERE YEE! HERE YEE! The King and Prince enter!" and King George II and his grandson Prince George entered the room. Lord Bute and Shackleton bowed; the Dowager curtsied.
"What's going on here, Shackleton?” bellowed the King. “Why wasn't I informed of your return?"
"We wanted it to be a surprise, father-in-law," said the Dowager.
"I don't like surprises, you know that. I commissioned Shackleton for this job – not you, young lady – so I should have been informed of his return immediately!"
Shackleton prayed a silent prayer that the King had made it clear to the Dowager he was answerable only to him. Shackleton hoped for this because before leaving to paint the princesses the King told him his favorite was Princess Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel and that he wanted her portrait to shine above the others.
The Dowager gave a carefree laugh and took her son the Prince by the elbow. "Look here, darling, Mr. Shackleton has four lovely princesses for you to review."
The King threw his hands up for silence then turned to Shackleton. "Which one is Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel?"
"Don't tell him yet," said the Dowager.
"He will or rue the day he didn't!"
"For what – disobeying my order?”
"For disobeying mine!"
"Not when I countermand yours, then he's disobeying mine – isn't that so, Lord Bute?"
"Not a word from you, Bute!"
The Dowager tugged the Prince to the line of portraits. "You'll listen to me on this, my son. I know German girls – don't forget I'm one myself."
"And what am I?" said the King.
The Dowager laughed. "Pray, not a German girl."
“Watch your tongue, daughter-in-law!”
“Ah, hush.”
Reaching for her elbow the King separated the Dowager from the Prince and said, "Grandson, listen to me … I was married to the best Queen consort England ever had – Caroline of Brandenburg-Ansbach. So I ask you, who could possibly know German girls better than I? But more to the point, I'm the king of England, and if I tell you to marry Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel, you shall – and I do! So that settles it” – he turned to Shackleton – “providing, of course, she has no defects uncovered by our most worthy royal painter …?"
Shackleton was ready. He had four white cards in his hand. He shuffled one to the top then said, "No defects at all, Your Majesty. Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel is a most excellent choice. Besides her obvious beauty she is sixteen years of age and –"
"Sixteen is too young," said the Dowager.
"But you were sixteen when my son married you!" roared the King.
"Two wrongs don’t make a right."
The King snorted then looked from his daughter-in-law to Shackleton: "Continue, Royal Painter.”
"Yes, Your highness. She does excellent needlework, plays the harpsichord – and exceedingly well, I might add."
"Did she play for you?" snapped the Dowager.
"Yes, Your Highness. I followed the King's instructions to the letter."
"Languages?" said the King. "How many languages does she speak?"
Shackleton tensed up. "Well, on that … there may be a minor deficit, Sire – she speaks only German."
"Only German?" said the Dowager, covering her mouth as if someone had yelled plague!
"Don't be ridiculous," snorted the King. She's only sixteen. Why, she'll be speaking better English than all of us in a fortnight."
The Dowager was looking at the second portrait. "Mr. Shackleton, pray, who is this?"
"That would be Princess Maria of Saxe-Gotha."
The Dowager smiled. "Oh, yes, my cousin –"
"No!" said the King.
"Your Majesty, dear, at least let Mr. Shackleton tell us about her –"
"No! There’ll be no cousin-marrying on my watch. That's why half the monarchs across Europe can't produce healthy heirs. No, madam – no inbreeding!"
Sensing the timing wasn’t right to press her case, the Dowager shrugged and said, "As you wish, Sir."
"Tell us about the next princess, Shackleton," said the King pointing to the third portrait.
"Yes, Sire, that would be Magdalena of Saxe-Weissenfels and–"
"No!" said the Dowager.
The King jumped back. The vitriol in his daughter-in-law’s voice stunned even him, a battlefield-hardened King. "At least let him finish, Princess Augusta –"
"No!" said the Dowager twice as forcefully. “I’d rather see my son marry an African’s daughter before a Saxe-Weissenfels’ daughter.”
The King sighed and said, "We'll come back to her later. Now this last one, Shackleton. Who is she?"
Shackleton groaned inside. In his plan they never should have gotten this far down the line. He swallowed hard then said, "Princess Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Sire.”
"Who?" said the Dowager.
"Princess Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz."
"Where on earth is Mecklenburg-Strelitz?” asked the King.
"Near the Pomeranian border opposite Ratzeburg.”
"Rats-burg?" said the King and Dowager.
Shackleton corrected them: "That would be Ratzeburg, Your Highness, a tiny principality in Northern Germany. Nothing to do with rats at all."
The King was staring at the portrait. He pursed his lips then said, "Speaking of rats, she looks as fertile as one . . . hmmm . . .” He turned to his grandson. "That's the important thing, George, and don't ever forget it – a queen must produce heirs!”
“Yes, and that reminds me,” said Shackleton, knowing he was speaking out of turn but desperate to get them away from the Charlotte portrait. “The first princess we viewed expressed a deep interest in learning English and –”
"What are her refinements?" the Dowager wanted to know.
Well, yes, as I said, Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel is sixteen and –”
“Not that princess – this princess,” said the Dowager, pointing to Princess Charlotte.
Shackleton looked at the Dowager the way a boy looks at his mother after being told he’s going to get whipped when his father comes home. He shrugged, looked at the card in his hand, shrugged again then quickly so as to race through it said, "Expert needlework, superb botanist, dances very skillfully, rides a horse well –"
And it was at this point that Prince George – the man who would marry her if she passed muster asked, "Does she have musical talents, Mr. Shackleton?"
Shackleton beat back a ferocious frown and thought, why are we still talking about this damnable girl? For God's sake – get back to Sophia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel!
"Yes, she has some slight musical ability, if I remember correctly … let me see, where did I put that card … oh, here it is. Ah, yes. She plays the violin, harpsichord, fife – both wood and metal – cello, mandolin and –”
“Mr. Shackleton,” said Prince George stepping forward again, "another question, if you, please, sir – how many languages does Princess Charlotte speak?"
Shackleton turned the card over in his hand and read it. He scowled horribly at what he read and this time made no effort to hide it. He was livid – livid at himself for the nightmare that was unfolding, livid at how all his plans to steer interest away from the damnable girl had come to naught. Finally, in a voice as hopeless as ever left his throat he said, "Five languages, sir."
"Five languages?!" all three Royals exclaimed at once.
"Six, if you count Portuguese.”
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tony cooper - 23 Jan 2009 03:15 GMT >Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my first >three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to the publisher. Please notify me of where the book signings will be.
 Signature Tony Cooper - Orlando, Florida
billrigby@hotmail.com - 23 Jan 2009 08:33 GMT > Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my first > three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to the publisher. [judicious snippage]
(channels John McEnroe) "You cannot be serious!"
Will.
Athel Cornish-Bowden - 23 Jan 2009 14:35 GMT >> Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my first >> three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to the publisher. > > [judicious snippage] > > (channels John McEnroe) "You cannot be serious!" If he followed the advice of an earlier poster, he may mean a vanity publisher, in which case he could be serious. (I thought that that was probably the most practically useful advice he received.)
 Signature athel
Evan Kirshenbaum - 23 Jan 2009 19:42 GMT >>> Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my >>> first three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > publisher, in which case he could be serious. (I thought that that > was probably the most practically useful advice he received.) Why would a vanity publisher need sample chapters?
 Signature Evan Kirshenbaum +------------------------------------ HP Laboratories |Its like grasping the difference 1501 Page Mill Road, 1U, MS 1141 |between what one usually considers Palo Alto, CA 94304 |a 'difficult' problem, and what |*is* a difficult problem. The day kirshenbaum@hpl.hp.com |one understands *why* counting all (650)857-7572 |the molecules in the Universe isn't |difficult...there's the leap. http://www.kirshenbaum.net/ | Tina Marie Holmboe
Peter Duncanson (BrE) - 23 Jan 2009 20:18 GMT >>> Okay, I've used a lot of the suggestions offered here, and now my first >>> three chapters are ready to be sent as sample chapters to the publisher. [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >publisher, in which case he could be serious. (I thought that that was >probably the most practically useful advice he received.) An ordinary, non-vanity, publisher might look unfavourably on the fact that the first three chapters have already been published.
Such a publisher might require a major rewrite of those chapters.
 Signature Peter Duncanson, UK (in alt.usage.english)
kenny - 23 Jan 2009 09:12 GMT > Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? [ and much more in the same vein] You're having a laugh?
You ARE having a laugh!
elanders - 23 Jan 2009 13:38 GMT >> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? > > [ and much more in the same vein] > You're having a laugh? > > You ARE having a laugh! Gotta love a guy like you, Kenny, who intentionally misquotes text then implies the author didn't see it.
Real class, that.
Here's what I wrote -- note it doesn't have the errors you put in it above.
"Frau Mueller’s knees were knocking ..."
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Murray Arnow - 23 Jan 2009 20:35 GMT >> elanders says... >>> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > >"Frau Mueller’s knees were knocking ..." This is a serious comment. What looks like a deliberate misquote may not be. All newsreaders aren't alike. Depending on which character sets are used, characters may not get accurately reproduced. You are using the windows-1252 character set, and Kenny is using, the more commonly used, iso-8859-1 character set. It appears that the ISO set reads the Windows set character for an apostrophe as a question mark. This is a common problem in Usenet. It would be helpful if we all agreed to use the same character set, but that is wishful. We will never have universal agreement in Usenet.
R H Draney - 23 Jan 2009 21:37 GMT Murray Arnow filted:
>This is a serious comment. What looks like a deliberate misquote may not >be. All newsreaders aren't alike. Depending on which character sets are [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] >character set, but that is wishful. We will never have universal >agreement in Usenet. And on that point we are of one mind....r
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Mark Brader - 23 Jan 2009 23:41 GMT > You are using the windows-1252 character set, and Kenny is using, > the more commonly used, iso-8859-1 character set. It appears that > the ISO set reads the Windows set character for an apostrophe as > a question mark. More precisely, Kenny's newsreader substituted a question mark instead of attempting to convert the non-ISO-8859-1 character.
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Robert Lieblich - 24 Jan 2009 01:16 GMT > >> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? > > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > "Frau Muellers knees were knocking ..." There are no errors in what was quoted, e. The first ? is obviously a marker for some fancy-font apostrophe that doesn't come through on most newsreaders. The ? at the end is Kenny's way of questioning what comes before. Not even those of us who think you couldn't write your way through an open doorway would think you had written that second ?. As for the ellipsis, nothing requires it be included in or omitted from a quotation.
Okay, it would have been tidier if Kenny had simply put the second ? on a line all by itself, but, as you like to say, no one was misled -- everyone knew what was meant.
I wonder if anyone who has access to the necessary databases has tracked "knocking knees" back to its earliest appearance. Granted, it's description, not dialogue, but most authors of historical novels do their best to eschew anachronisms even in their narrative text. It sure looks like an anachronism to me. Betcha you never checked
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William - 24 Jan 2009 03:38 GMT > I wonder if anyone who has access to the necessary databases has > tracked "knocking knees" back to its earliest appearance. I'm all a-tremble to know.
-- WH
kenny - 24 Jan 2009 09:12 GMT > > >> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? > > > [quoted text clipped - 29 lines] > do their best to eschew anachronisms even in their narrative text. It > sure looks like an anachronism to me. Betcha you never checked Both characters were copied through the highlighting & rmb Follow Up used by Gravity. I had no reason to edit in the OP's line and frankly had no reason to check it. This line was just an example of an anachronism and wrong voice used throughout.
Anyone out there using Gravity? I've been trying again and cannot reproduce this with any combination of picks.
elanders - 26 Jan 2009 02:02 GMT >>>>> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? >>>> [quoted text clipped - 35 lines] > Anyone out there using Gravity? I've been trying again and cannot > reproduce this with any combination of picks. It isn't an anachronism, and if it is you certainly haven't supplied any evidence to support the claim.
But I'll tell you what, let's see if you can present a logical argument why it's an anachronism -- which is to say, we know you can't produce a cite that dates its earliest recorded usage, so explain your claim using logic.
Robert is trying to do that and getting pounded into the ground for his stupidity. Let's see if you fare better.
EG
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elanders - 25 Jan 2009 23:31 GMT >>>> Frau Mueller?s knees were knocking ? >>> [quoted text clipped - 28 lines] > do their best to eschew anachronisms even in their narrative text. It > sure looks like an anachronism to me. Betcha you never checked Not surprisingly, Robert, you don't even understand what an anachronism is. A clock ticking in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar is an anachronism. A figure of speech like "knees knocking" or "stomach growling" is not.
And another false and foolish hold on reality you have, Robert, is the notion that anachronisms (however you misapply the term) are defined by the date of their appearance in literature.
For example, in Dashiell Hammett's "The Maltese Falcon" Sam Spade uses the term "gunsel" to refer to the gun-toting punk who follows him around. But "gunsel" never meant gunman. It's actually a 19th century Yiddish term for an inexperienced gay male(See below). Hammett slipped it into the book to play a trick on the censors. No matter, until this was revealed a few years ago, everyone dated the word from the book and movie.
This points to why calling figures of speech and other rhetorical devices anachronisms, makes no sense.
Only a fool like yourself, Robert, would make the argument that no one in the 18th century ever said "she was shaking so bad her knees were knocking."
And I call you a fool, Robert, because that's what you are. You come here, see people throwing the word anachronism around, think you understand what they mean, and start throwing it around yourself.
You do this to promote the idea of a deep scholarship you really don't have. No, Robert, you're not the Renaissance man you would have us believe you are.
You're a hack -- you know it, I know it, and everyone here with a brain knows it.
You're a narrowly educated two-bit government clerk who can't be fired.
Willy Loman with a law degree.
Walter Mitty -- "Pockata ...Pockata...Pockata."
A schlepper and a slacker.
You got all that, puzzle boy?
EG
gunsel (plural gunsels)
1. Young man kept for sexual purposes (Etymology: Yiddish gendzel or ganzel). 2. Street and prison slang for a passive-partner in anal-intercourse
[edit] Usage notes
Note: The two meanings are believed to have originated concurrently but independently. gunsel: Or: gonsil / gonzel / gonsel : A 19 th century term of German and Yiddish (little goose) derivation for a young, inexperienced gay male similar to the more recent gay slang term, "twink". See sodomite for synonyms.
The former usage - a gun-toting hoodlum - derives from Dashiel Hammett's "The Maltese Falcon". Hammett's publisher at the time refused to allow any rude or profane terminology in his publication. Hammett slipped in "gunsel" - a street term for a young, gay
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Robert Lieblich - 26 Jan 2009 01:15 GMT [many, many words, all snipped]
It wasn't necessary to write War and Peace in response to me, EG. It's remarkable how you do everything you accuse me of doing.
Try this on for size:
anach·ro·nism (@ nak'r@ niz'@m)
noun
1. the representation of something as existing or occurring at other than its proper time, esp. earlier; 2. anything that is or seems to be out of its proper time in history.
<http://www.yourdictionary.com/anachronism>
Note: "expecially earlier"
Have you still no idea how ridiculous you look?
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elanders - 26 Jan 2009 01:53 GMT > [many, many words, all snipped] > [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Have you still no idea how ridiculous you look? You really are pathetic, Robert.
First, because the definition you gave was very thorough; it listed at least 20 examples of correct usage of the term, none of which referred to language.
Secondly, even the definition you so proudly display doesn't agree with you but you're too much of a schlep to realize it.
You're recall, this discussion was triggered by my use of "knees were knocking." Well, in my use of it to describe a woman in the 18th century, what about this "is out of its proper time"?
Have you done the requisite research, Robert?
Can you say reliably there's no recorded usage of it in the 18th century?
Why do you even think there wasn't?
What is it about the expression that's driving you crazy, Robert?
Why are you jumping through hoops to convince everyone it simply could not have been used in the 18th century?
Bottom line, you're just playing at being a scholar, aren't you, Robert? You really have no real understanding of what scholars actually do, just think because you're a hot shot lawyer, whatever they do is something you can do too.
Well, you can't, dummkopf.
EG
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James Hogg - 26 Jan 2009 09:02 GMT >You're recall, this discussion was triggered by my use of "knees were >knocking." Well, in my use of it to describe a woman in the 18th [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] >Why are you jumping through hoops to convince everyone it simply could >not have been used in the 18th century? OED has this quotation from Pope, 1732: "Still to his wench he crawls on knocking knees."
So, unlike your chocolate chip cookies, the knocking knees are not anachronistic.
James
Robert Lieblich - 27 Jan 2009 01:33 GMT [ ... ]
> OED has this quotation from Pope, 1732: > "Still to his wench he crawls on knocking knees." > > So, unlike your chocolate chip cookies, the knocking knees > are not anachronistic. Thanks for answering my question, James. I marvel that you were able to recall that I had asked whether the usage was anachjust satisfying your own curiosity.)
The point I was trying to make is that one decision an author must make in writing historical fiction is whether to try to keep the narration (assuming it's third person) free of anachronisms. I suppose you could get a fairly amusing book by deliberately scattering verbal anachronisms throughout the narrative text, and you might even go so far as to have the characters *speak* in English contemporary with the time of the writing. Usually that's the sort of thing seen in TV skits and performaces by the likes of the Reduced Shakespeare Company. I have a hard time imagining it done well, but there's no law against trying.
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tony cooper - 27 Jan 2009 02:19 GMT >[ ... ] > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] >Company. I have a hard time imagining it done well, but there's no >law against trying. I confess I don't understand your interest in possible anachronisms in ric's text. Is there anything that you have read of that text that could be discounted simply because of an anachronism? The Lord Duke Whatsis could be wearing a propeller beanie and it wouldn't detract from the story. There has to be something there in the first place to have a distracting element. You can't take anything out of an empty sack.
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Robert Lieblich - 27 Jan 2009 02:57 GMT > >[ ... ] > > [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > I confess I don't understand your interest in possible anachronisms in > ric's text. Ric who? It's an interesting question in the abstract and has a great influence on how a book gets written.
> Is there anything that you have read of that text that > could be discounted simply because of an anachronism? I have read very little of his text (and received little enough in the way of thanks for commenting on what I did read). There are plenty of other good reasons to discount what he writes, and, to repeat, the point I thought I was making is that it is certainly possible to use anachronisms (probably for a humorous effect), but it's damned difficult to do it well. If it is clear that something is an anachronism, the question becomes whether it's part of the style of the book or an error. That's what is of interest to me. You can deliberately spice your historical novel with anachronistic devices and practices and usages, but if it doesn't amuse the reader it's just foolishness. Narrishkeit, if you prefer.
> The Lord Duke > Whatsis could be wearing a propeller beanie and it wouldn't detract > from the story. Sure it would. At a minimum it would be a distraction. If you can get a laugh with a distraction or an aside, by all means go for it. But it ain't easy. You know that. So does Sis (the letters to whom are a genre all to themselves).
> There has to be something there in the first place to > have a distracting element. You can't take anything out of an empty > sack. I think of Indiana Jones facing down the ferocious swordsman in "Raiders" with the aid of his trusty revolver. It mattered very much to Indy what exactly he took out at that particular instant -- and to the viewer as well. It's not just a matter of moving onto square one. It's what's on that square and how you move onto it.
Are we engaged in a dispute of some sort, Tony?
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tony cooper - 27 Jan 2009 03:32 GMT >> I confess I don't understand your interest in possible anachronisms in >> ric's text. > >Ric who? Isn't that his name? ric landers? Not a name that is likely to be written at a book signing, though.
>> The Lord Duke >> Whatsis could be wearing a propeller beanie and it wouldn't detract >> from the story. > >Sure it would. At a minimum it would be a distraction. If you can >get a laugh with a distraction or an aside, by all means go for it. Yeah, but a distraction within a distraction that follows a distraction and leads into a distraction loses most of its impact.
>> There has to be something there in the first place to >> have a distracting element. You can't take anything out of an empty >> sack. > >Are we engaged in a dispute of some sort, Tony? We can't dance if we both want to lead.
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Maria C. - 27 Jan 2009 03:32 GMT Robert Lieblich wrote, in part, to Tony Cooper:
> Are we engaged in a dispute of some sort, Tony? IMO: No.
I thought Tony's point was that there's nothing to be distracted by in erlanders story/book because there's really nothing there.
(Am I right, Tony?)
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tony cooper - 27 Jan 2009 04:00 GMT >Robert Lieblich wrote, in part, to Tony Cooper: >> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > >(Am I right, Tony?) Exactly.
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Robert Lieblich - 27 Jan 2009 04:15 GMT > >Robert Lieblich wrote, in part, to Tony Cooper: > >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Exactly. Ah, now I get it. A bit slow tonight, I. Thank you both.
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Tasha Miller - 27 Jan 2009 05:51 GMT > Robert Lieblich wrote, in part, to Tony Cooper: >> [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > > (Am I right, Tony?) I've had a bit of free time to fritter away on pointless pursuits this afternoon so I read the sample again. I think elanders may find a niche in the hair fetish genre, if there be one. Otherwise, I can't imagine why a reader would slog through the first page or two. They aren't even enlivened by a lice hunt and the satisfying crack of one or two critters between Frau Mueller's teeth or fingernails. I mean, isn't he striving for realism, here?
Leslie Danks - 27 Jan 2009 10:17 GMT >> Robert Lieblich wrote, in part, to Tony Cooper: >>> [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > the hair fetish genre, if there be one. Otherwise, I can't imagine why a > reader would slog through the first page or two. Even assuming they ignore the 25 pages of acknowledgements that have accumulated so far.
> They aren't even > enlivened by a lice hunt and the satisfying crack of one or two critters > between Frau Mueller's teeth or fingernails. I mean, isn't he striving for > realism, here?
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Reinhold [Rey] Aman - 27 Jan 2009 07:28 GMT [...]
> -- > Bob Lieblich > I think I'll go write a crossword Lemme help you with Concrete Poetry: BOB BOBOB BOBOBOB BOBOBOB BOBOBOBOB BOBOBOB
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Robert Lieblich - 27 Jan 2009 11:18 GMT > [...] > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > BOBOBOBOB > BOBOBOB What, no BOBOLINK? This IS the computer age.
Now all we need are some good clues.
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Don Phillipson - 23 Jan 2009 13:05 GMT > Spring 1760– Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Germany > . . . [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > sister’s hair straightened. Straightening even the coarsest hair was > possible using today's modern remedies . . . The tacit premise here is that aristocrats' hair was normally visible. This appears to be untrue. In 1760 (1) aristocrats wore wigs on formal occasions, (2) when no wig was worn, the hair was powdered.
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