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Discussion Groups / English Usage / May 2009Sentence correction - need help
Hi, I am in process of writing a cover letter for my next job search and the current version looks like ************************************************************************************************************************************ <To days date> Hiring Manager, <Name of the Company>, <address> Dear Manager, This letter is to express my interest in the Sr. Software Engineer position listed on Monster.com. Based on my skills and skill listed in posting, I am confident that I would be a great addition to your team. My resume that highlights my ability/knowledge/expertise is enclosed. We recently moved to <City, State> from <City, State> as my wife works here on a permanent job. So I too am looking for a permanent position here in this area. I have a proven track record of application design/ development/testing and maintenance of various projects using latest MS technologies. During my time at <Name of the current or previous Employer>, I helped various clients with IT needs and was able to succeed and save costs and increase productivity by automating the manual processes and enhancing the existing systems to meet to day’s business needs. I am a great team player and proficient with Microsoft Technologies latest technologies such as <technologies that I am proficient> I am excited about the position and the ability to help your company succeed. Thank you in advance for your time. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions Sincerely, <My Name> 555 555 5555(Cell) Email: test@yahoo.com Address: <address> ************************************************************************************************************************************ I am kind of not sure if I can say "I too am looking for.." in the sentence 'We recently moved to <City, State> from <City, State> as my wife works here on a permanent job. So I too am looking for a permanent position here in this area.' Can some one help me to see if the grammar and sentence formation looks perfect or needs any changes? Thanks in advance, -L >Hi, > > I am in process of writing a cover letter for my next job search >and the current version looks like > >************************************************************************************************************************************ My experience in reading resumes dates back to more stable times in the job market, but I don't think certain things change. People don't read cover letters; they skim them. If the person responsible for evaluating submitted resumes has any kind of volume to deal with, it's glance-and-go. They look for certain points, specific experience and skills, and for a general impression of the applicant. They don't want to get bogged down in a wordy cover letter. Most respond better to short paragraphs, bullet points, and a minimum of hype. The first sentence in your second paragraph is all that is likely to read in that paragraph, and the reader is likely to drift at the "ability/knowledge/expertise" phrase. You aren't writing to Aunt Susy to bring her up to date on your life. You are trying to attract the attention of a person who may be looking at a hundred or more similar submissions. The ideal cover letter is about 80% white space. It says who it is to, what job you are applying for, a few statements about your experience or skills presented as briefly as possible in separate lines, and your contact information. ><To days date> > [quoted text clipped - 33 lines] >Email: test@yahoo.com >Address: <address>  SignatureTony Cooper - Orlando, Florida > >Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 67 lines] > > - Show quoted text - Thanks and then I guess my cover letter should look pretty good :) >> >Hi, >> [quoted text clipped - 69 lines] > >Thanks and then I guess my cover letter should look pretty good :) I hope you are kidding. I was trying to tell you to cut about 80% of the verbiage in your letter and reduce most of it to bullet points. Perhaps I was too subtle. SignatureTony Cooper - Orlando, Florida > Dear Manager, > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > succeed. Thank you in advance for your time. Please do not hesitate to > contact me if you have any questions Dear ? (do some company research and try to find out the name of the hiring principal): I'm very interested in your Senior Software Engineer opportunity and I'm enclosing my resume. While at (name of company), my extensive experience with the latest Microsoft tools was instrumental in automating old systems, increasing productivity and saving company costs. Please contact me as soon as convenient. I'm a good team player and I'm very excited about this opportunity. Sincerely, (What here shall miss your resume should strive to mend). > > Dear Manager, > [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > > - Show quoted text - This looks even simpler. Thanks. |
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