Sentence correction

Sentence correction - need help

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Learner - 14 Jul 2009 17:34 GMT

Hi , Few days ago I attended an interview and right after that I sent
a Thank You note to the Managers I was interviewed with. And one of
the Managers responded with nice comments. One of the comments that he
made was

"I think you are going to be a great asset to us or anyone else who is
fortunate enough to gain you as a Team Member"

I am very much excited to see a comment like this in this market and I
would like to send a nice reply to him and I want to put it as
follows...

"I am delighted to see your wonderful encouraging comments about my
candidacy. Sure, I will be waiting to hear your feedback soon."

Does it sound professional? or it needs a change. Is the word
candidacy is right in this context? If not how do I reframe the above
sentence? Thanks in advance.

Thanks

L

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Derek Turner - 14 Jul 2009 18:11 GMT

> "I am delighted to see your wonderful encouraging comments about my
> candidacy. Sure, I will be waiting to hear your feedback soon."

I was delighted to receive your ....

candidacy is fine

for heaven's sake drop the 'sure' (horrible) and 'soon' (applying
pressure and therefore rude).

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Learner - 14 Jul 2009 18:29 GMT

> > "I am delighted to see your wonderful encouraging comments about my
> > candidacy. Sure, I will be waiting to hear your feedback soon."
[quoted text clipped - 5 lines]
> for heaven's sake drop the 'sure' (horrible) and 'soon' (applying
> pressure and therefore rude).

Thanks for the reply. In short how about

"Thank you for the email and I was delighted to receive your wonderful
encouraging comments about my candidacy. I will be waiting to hear
your feedback.

Thank You,"

Simple enough?

Thanks,

-L

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Derek Turner - 14 Jul 2009 18:37 GMT

> Simple enough?

Simple, sincere and polite.

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Learner - 14 Jul 2009 18:56 GMT

> > Simple enough?
>
> Simple, sincere and polite.

Great and thanks again.

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Don Phillipson - 14 Jul 2009 18:54 GMT

> how about
>
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
> Simple enough?

Not quite: try something like:
"I was delighted by the encouraging comments in
your email, and look forward to hearing from you."
This avoids:
"wonderful encouraging" -- too effusive and ungrammatical
(i.e. should be wonderfully encouraging);
"feedback" -- too technical;
"waiting to hear" would be interpreted by some as a threat
(in case of no feedback);
and is generally briefer, which suggests efficiency. (No one
wants to employ someone whose emotions overflow into
non-productive language.)

Your appropriate enthusiasm about this reply should not
(1) obscure the possibility that this manager writes thus
to all candidates, or
(2) overload your emotions when composing a reply.
Remember, your aim is to get an offer of employmennt,
not to befriend or compliment this manager.

Signature

Don Phillipson
Carlsbad Springs
(Ottawa, Canada)
overload your

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Maria Conlon - 14 Jul 2009 20:09 GMT

Don Phillipson wrote, in part:

>> how about
>>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>>
>> Simple enough?

This was to be in response to the following note, which was, at least in
part:

"I think you are going to be a great asset to us or anyone else who is
fortunate enough to gain you as a Team Member."

[...]

> Your appropriate enthusiasm about this reply should not
> (1) obscure the possibility that this manager writes thus
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> Remember, your aim is to get an offer of employmennt,
> not to befriend or compliment this manager.

Don's comment (1) is the first thought that came to my mind. That is,
the email may have been a standard one, sent to all applicants.

I am wondering what the rest of the email said, though. (Learner stated
that the quoted portion was "one of the comments that he made....") The
full email (barring any identifying remarks) may offer a clue as to what
might be a good and fitting reply to the Manager who sent the email.

Signature

Maria Conlon

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Skitt - 14 Jul 2009 20:33 GMT

> Don Phillipson wrote, in part:

>>> how about
>>>
[quoted text clipped - 28 lines]
> a clue as to what might be a good and fitting reply to the Manager
> who sent the email.

Yes, the "asset to us /or anyone else/" is quite noncommittal, and does not
warrant much excitement.

Signature

Skitt (AmE)

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Discussion Groups / English Usage / July 2009

Sentence correction - need help