Discussion Groups / ESL Teaching / December 2003

"webmanoffesto" <trashthis@trash.com> wrote on 28 Dec 2003:

*"Still fit at thirty-three, his health-club chest neatly filled out
a blue and white micro-stripe Armani dress shirt."

This sentence needs to be rewritten to make it grammatical. As it
stands, it says that "his" chest is both 33 years old and still fit,
not that "he" is 33 years old and still fit. I don't think you want to
say that.

Semantically, too, it is a bit strange. Thirty-three is not old (unless
you are 16 or so and think anyone over 30 is over the hill as well), so
the introductory phrase doesn't work for me. And these days, it appears
to be the very young who are not fit, not 33-year-old youngsters.

"his health-club chest" is, if you will pardon my saying so, an awful
image. It doesn't work. It calls to (my) mind a chest of drawers and
not a man's well-developed thoracic section.

I think it's back to the drawing board for your sentence. Unless you're
trying to win that "It was a dark and stormy night" writing contest. If
so, forget about the hyphens.