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Short English text: please check for my mistakes

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Lukano - 11 Jun 2004 22:39 GMT
Hi,

the following text is a summary I've prepared in order to help my younger
cousin (he has an exam next week so he needs my support).

Thank you for your help

Luca

"The German expansion spread over Europe in the 1930s, probably as a
reaction to the severe peace terms forced on Germany by the Allies. In 1920,
the Allies had created the League of Nations, with the purpose to promote
the cooperation between its members, but in 1935, when Italy invaded
Abyssinia, which was a member of the League, the other members (notably
Britain and France) decided not to act: this decision, taken with the
purpose to win Italy's cooperation against Hitler, was interpreted as a sign
of weakness by the Axis forces (Italy and Germany and Japan) and for the
next four years, they took advantage of this state of things to seize new
territories.

In 1938, the British prime Minister accepted the takeover of German-speaking
parts of Czechoslovakia by Germany, after Hitler's written promise that
Germany had no more territorial ambitions: six months later Germany occupied
the rest of Czechoslovakia.

The year after, Germany invaded Poland and Britain, which was supporting the
latter, was constrained to enter the war.

In May 1940 the German army attacked, defeating the French and driving the
British army into the sea, with the latter saved by thousands of private
boats at Dunkirk. The war, begun as a European struggle, spread worldwide
when Germany attacked the Soviet Union and Japan attacked the United States.

Italy surrendered quickly in 1943; the year after, Britain and the USA
invaded German-occupied France, starting to bomb German towns; in May 1945
Germany finally surrendered. In order to avoid further victims among their
troops, the Allied used the new atomic bomb to defeat Japan, which
surrendered soon later"
Alan Bernardo - 13 Jun 2004 20:40 GMT
> the following text is a summary I've prepared in order to help my younger
> cousin (he has an exam next week so he needs my support).
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> next four years, they took advantage of this state of things to seize new
> territories.

I would definitely cut sentence two into parts.  It is way too long,  It is
nearly 100 words long.

> In 1938, the British prime Minister accepted the takeover of German-speaking
> parts of Czechoslovakia by Germany, after Hitler's written promise that
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> The year after, Germany invaded Poland and Britain, which was supporting the
> latter, was constrained to enter the war.

This sentence is too confusing.  The "which was supporting the latter",
having three instances as it does, makes it appear like Britain was
supporting Germany.  Something like, "In 1939, Germany invaded Poland.  And
Great Britain, bound by treaty with Poland, was compelled to enter the
war.", might be clearer.

> In May 1940 the German army attacked, defeating the French and driving the
> British army into the sea, with the latter saved by thousands of private
> boats at Dunkirk. The war, begun as a European struggle, spread worldwide
> when Germany attacked the Soviet Union and Japan attacked the United States.

You seem to be quite fond of "latter".  "In May, 1940, the German army
attacked, defeating the French and forcing the British army to sea.
Fortunately for the Allies, thousands of private boats to Dunkirk saved the
British army."

> Italy surrendered quickly in 1943; the year after, Britain and the USA
> invaded German-occupied France, starting to bomb German towns; in May 1945
> Germany finally surrendered. In order to avoid further victims among their
> troops, the Allied used the new atomic bomb to defeat Japan, which
> surrendered soon later"

"Allied" should read "Allies".

Overall, not bad.  You do need to create a little variety and incorporate
the information in some of your "which" clauses into separate sentences.

Alanb
 
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