Plz correct my sentences"

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Liu Ju - 26 Jul 2004 10:51 GMT

Dear members:
I wrote the following sentences but not sure if it is correct and
idiomatical or not. Can you please correct them for me? thank you.

1. I wish to become an expert in the fields of my interests who
contributes to the betterment of human life.

2.With an aim of making contribution to the development of science and
technology in my country, I nurtured a burning desire to go abroad for
my higher study.

Sincerely

LiuJU

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Einde O'Callaghan - 26 Jul 2004 15:15 GMT

> Dear members:
> I wrote the following sentences but not sure if it is correct and
> idiomatical or not. Can you please correct them for me? thank you.
>
> 1. I wish to become an expert in the fields of my interests who
> contributes to the betterment of human life.

Alightly better: "I wish to become an expert in my fields of interest
and contribute to the betterment of human life."

This still sounds a bit strange as usually a person becomes an expert in
just one field.

> 2.With an aim of making contribution to the development of science and
> technology in my country, I nurtured a burning desire to go abroad for
> my higher study.

Because I want to make a contribution to teh development of science and
technology in my country I have nurtured a burtning desire to go abroad
for my university education (or perhaps you mean: for my post-graduate
studies).

You don't make clear which level you want to study at. Do you want to go
to university abroad for your basic university education? Or do you want
to go abroad after finishing your basic studies in your own country in
order to get a higher degree, e.g. a doctorate?

Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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Liu Ju - 26 Jul 2004 23:32 GMT

Thank Einde very much.

I mean I wish to go abroad for my graduate studies.

Sincerely,

LiuJu

> > Dear members:
> > I wrote the following sentences but not sure if it is correct and
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>
> Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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Einde O'Callaghan - 27 Jul 2004 00:21 GMT

> Thank Einde very much.
>
> I mean I wish to go abroad for my graduate studies.

Then it's best to say precisely that.

Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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Liu Ju - 29 Jul 2004 09:31 GMT

Thank you very much. Because these sentences will be in an application
essay, I want to make my sentences sound more vivid and write the
sentences more complicated. However, I am afraid that they will be not
idiomatic. (SInce I am not a native speaker so in the my thought they
might sound good but maybe in fact in English they are unacceptable).

What about the following sentences: Should I use the pharse "a wide
gamut of ..." and "to name a few" in the sentence? (I copy them from
an essay of a Idian student).

"The undergraduate curriculum at my univiersity introduced me to a
wide gamut of interesting subjects such as semiconductor devices,
optical communications, and signal processing to name a few. "

And what about the following sentence? What I should do to make them
sound better:

"The very interesting curriculum with a strong focus on Photonics did
provide me with intensive knowledge and valuable experimental skills
in fiber optics, semiconductor lasers, micro-machining and MEMS
processing. In addition, through the work as a graduate research
assistant in the Photonics Laboratory of University of XXXX, I was
involved in real research projects and accumulated a strong background
in fiber gratings and their applications. "

Thank you very much.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely

> > Thank Einde very much.
> >
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
>
> Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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Einde O'Callaghan - 29 Jul 2004 17:29 GMT

> Thank you very much. Because these sentences will be in an application
> essay, I want to make my sentences sound more vivid and write the
[quoted text clipped - 9 lines]
> wide gamut of interesting subjects such as semiconductor devices,
> optical communications, and signal processing to name a few. "

"a wide range of interesting subjects" - the phrase with "gamut" would
be "a whole gamut", but this is stylistically inappropriate - OTOH "to
name a few" seems OK to me.

> And what about the following sentence? What I should do to make them
> sound better:
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
> involved in real research projects and accumulated a strong background
> in fiber gratings and their applications. "

I'd leave out the value judgement of the nature of the curriculum and
wouldn't use the emphatic "do", and I wouldn't capitalise "photonics".
"The curriculum with a strong focus on photonics provided me ..."

Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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John Ramsay - 30 Jul 2004 07:53 GMT

> > Thank you very much. Because these sentences will be in an application
> > essay, I want to make my sentences sound more vivid and write the
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> be "a whole gamut", but this is stylistically inappropriate - OTOH "to
> name a few" seems OK to me.

Yes, it's 'whole gamut.' As in Dottie Parker's
famous barb: The actress's performance ran the
whole gamut of emotions - all the way from A to B.

> > And what about the following sentence? What I should do to make them
> > sound better:
[quoted text clipped - 12 lines]
>
> Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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Discussion Groups / ESL Teaching / July 2004

Plz correct my sentences"