Discussion Groups / ESL Teaching / April 2005

I've never heard of "have the third person" either. What kind of sicko
would come up with that in an ELT book? It probably means "have
somebody" as in the dated use of "First I had Sean, and then I had
Petey, and then I met my husband and stopped having fun altogether."

"Two-timer" is a pretty common expression whose meaning is not
immediately apparent and would cause confusion among non-native
speakers. To the best of my knowledge, the only reason it might be
considered dated would be that it's one of the kinder, gentler terms
used to describe what we''re talking about.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater...nope, doesn't sound right either.

A few words and expressions, all of which can be used in a formal
context and polite society, are:

Cuckold: an old, usually literary word that continues to survive for
the husband of an unfaithful wife. The verb is also "cuckold"
(presumably, the woman does it to her husband). The general noun for
the practice is "cuckoldry." Needless to say, teaching anyone these
words as ways of referring to having sex outside of marriage should be
very low on your priority list. Their heyday was back in the
seventeenth century or so.

Adultery: breaking the marriage contract. The person-noun is
"adulterer," usually a man, occasionally a woman.

Infidelity: a general, more legalistic term for adultery.

Unfaithful: the adjective most commonly used to describe any sort of
break with the marriage contract. That is, the most common polite
adjective.

Extra-marital: Another adjective, with legalistic overtones.

Have an (extra-marital) affair: Common expression used to describe the
practice.

There is also Bill Clinton's immortal dictum, "I have caused pain in my
marriage."

Now we'll shade into somewhat more questionable language, but still far
from vulgar. You couldn't use this stuff in a press release or a legal
document.

Homewrecker: a name often applied to a woman who steals away another
woman's husband.

Sleep around: a neutral and informal phrasal verb for any sort of
sexual behavior outside of a faithful marriage.

Have loose morals/be loose: a means of labeling any sort of behavior
whatsoever outside of conventional sexuality. Usually, this is applied
to women rather than men and is thankfully, getting rather dated.

"Double-dipping" most definitely means drawing two salaries, or a
salary and a pension. I haven't seen it in this context and it may be
a play on "dipping your wick elsewhere," which is definitely
getting a bit dated now.

A "womanizer" keeps company with all sorts of women, not just married
ones.

Now, my personal favorites for talking about this run the gamut from
coarse to obscene to raw, but are always enthusiastic. I would guess
that the same is true for most native speakers. English is fun when it
comes to expressions regarding any and all such topics. For a very good
reason, that the English language is unforgivingly gender-biased, the
most enthusiastic of these pejoratives apply to the gentler sex.

Ladies in a state of holy matrimony, but who suffer from "the itch"
also, occasionally, "shop at a different meat market," "get their
jollies elsewhere," "hide the wrong salami," or "share their pie
around."

For sheer crudity, "leg-splitting" sounds athletic, but then again,
"trolling the nasty down the block" has a special ring to it.

You should realize that groups of educated, genteel language teachers
whose posts on Google end up catalogued all over the damned place might
just be unwilling to tell you that the polite "have a bit on the
side" is often "bone me a piece of a.s on the side" in REAL spoken
English.

If we don't start off being conservative in our language choices,
this job unmercifully turns us into producers of
sanitized-for-your-protection utterances.

Good luck, keke! Go tell it on the mountain!

Django Cat wrote on 22 Apr 2005:

Hi, DC. Yes, idioms often sound idiotic when one thinks about them.

I've never heard of "have the third person" either. What kind of sicko
would come up with that in an ELT book? It probably means "have
somebody" as in the dated use of "First I had Sean, and then I had
Petey, and then I met my husband and stopped having fun altogether."

"Two-timer" is a pretty common expression whose meaning is not
immediately apparent and would cause confusion among non-native
speakers.

A few more words and expressions, all of which can be used in a formal
context and polite society, are:

Cuckold: an old, usually literary word that continues to survive for
the husband of an unfaithful wife. The verb is also "cuckold"
(presumably, the woman does it to her husband). The general noun for
the practice is "cuckoldry." Needless to say, teaching anyone these
words as ways of referring to having sex outside of marriage should be
very low on your priority list. Their heyday was back in the
seventeenth century or so.

Adultery: breaking the marriage contract. The person-noun is
"adulterer," usually a man, occasionally a woman.

Infidelity: a general, more legalistic term for adultery.

Unfaithful: the adjective most commonly used to describe any sort of
break with the marriage contract (in polite society).

Extra-marital: Another adjective, with legalistic overtones.

Have an (extra-marital) affair: Common expression used to describe the
practice.

There is also Bill Clinton's immortal dictum, "I have caused pain in my
marriage..."

Now we'll shade into somewhat more questionable language, but still far
from vulgar. You couldn't use this stuff in a press release or a legal
document.

Homewrecker: a name often applied to a woman who steals away another
woman's husband

Sleep around: a neutral and informal phrasal verb for any sort of
sexual behavior outside of a faithful marriage

Have loose morals/be loose: a means of labeling any sort of behavior
whatsoever outside of conventional sexuality. Usually, this is applied
to women rather than men and is thankfully, getting rather dated.

Double-dipping most definitely means drawing two salaries, or a salary
and a pension. I haven't seen it in this context and it may be a play
on "dipping your wick," which is also getting a bit dated now.

Most expressions for talking about this run the gamut from coarse to
obscene to raw, but are always enthusiastic. English is fun when it
comes to any expressions regarding sex. Ladies in a state of holy
matrimony, but who suffer from "the itch" also, occasionally,
"shop at a different meat market," "get their jollies
elsewhere," "hide the wrong salami" or "share their pie
around." There are no such similar expressions for men. Why? The
English language is unforgivably sexist.

For sheer crudity, "leg-splitting" sounds athletic, but then again,
"trolling the nasty down the block" has a special ring to it.

As a last note of warning, you should realize that groups of educated,
genteel language teachers are often unwilling to tell you that the
polite "have a bit on the side" is far more usually "bone me a
piece of a.s on the side" in real spoken English. If we don't start
off being conservative in our language choices, this job unmercifully
turns us into producers of sanitized-for-your-protection utterances.

Good luck, keke! Go tell it on the mountain! Taiwan may never be the
same again.

I've never heard of "have the third person" either. What kind of sicko
would come up with that in an ELT book? It probably means "have
somebody" as in the dated use of "First I had Sean, and then I had
Petey, and then I met my husband and stopped having fun altogether."

"Two-timer" is a pretty common expression whose meaning is not
immediately apparent and would cause confusion among non-native
speakers.

A few more words and expressions, all of which can be used in a formal
context and polite society, are:

Cuckold: an old, usually literary word that continues to survive for
the husband of an unfaithful wife. The verb is also "cuckold"
(presumably, the woman does it to her husband). The general noun for
the practice is "cuckoldry." Needless to say, teaching anyone these
words as ways of referring to having sex outside of marriage should be
very low on your priority list. Their heyday was back in the
seventeenth century or so.

Adultery: breaking the marriage contract. The person-noun is
"adulterer," usually a man, occasionally a woman.

Infidelity: a general, more legalistic term for adultery.

Unfaithful: the adjective most commonly used to describe any sort of
break with the marriage contract (in polite society).

Extra-marital: Another adjective, with legalistic overtones.

Have an (extra-marital) affair: Common expression used to describe the
practice.

There is also Bill Clinton's immortal dictum, "I have caused pain in my
marriage..."

Now we'll shade into somewhat more questionable language, but still far
from vulgar. You couldn't use this stuff in a press release or a legal
document.

Homewrecker: a name often applied to a woman who steals away another
woman's husband

Sleep around: a neutral and informal phrasal verb for any sort of
sexual behavior outside of a faithful marriage

Have loose morals/be loose: a means of labeling any sort of behavior
whatsoever outside of conventional sexuality. Usually, this is applied
to women rather than men and is thankfully, getting rather dated.

Double-dipping most definitely means drawing two salaries, or a salary
and a pension. I haven't seen it in this context and it may be a play
on "dipping your wick," which is also getting a bit dated now.

Most expressions for talking about this run the gamut from coarse to
obscene to raw, but are always enthusiastic. English is fun when it
comes to any expressions regarding sex. Ladies in a state of holy
matrimony, but who suffer from "the itch" also, occasionally,
"shop at a different meat market," "get their jollies
elsewhere," "hide the wrong salami" or "share their pie
around." There are no such similar expressions for men. Why? The
English language is unforgivably sexist.

For sheer crudity, "leg-splitting" sounds athletic, but then again,
"trolling the nasty down the block" has a special ring to it.

As a last note of warning, you should realize that groups of educated,
genteel language teachers are often unwilling to tell you that the
polite "have a bit on the side" is far more usually "bone me a
piece of a.s on the side" in real spoken English. If we don't start
off being conservative in our language choices, this job unmercifully
turns us into producers of sanitized-for-your-protection utterances.

Good luck, keke! Go tell it on the mountain! Taiwan may never be the
same again.

I think that started with a Seinfeld episode, back in the nineties.
Jason Alexander confronted a double-dipper at a party and almost went
postal on him. "You...you...you...DOUBLE DIPPER, YOU!"