commas with several conditional clauses

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John - 09 Sep 2011 10:40 GMT

Dear all:

What is the correct punctuation of the following sentence:

"If you find out and tell me about any detail of what happened in
Downing street last night[,] and if nobody else will give me that piece
of information earlier[,] and if you won't tell anyone else, I will
reward you."

Any ideas?

Thanks!
John

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Einde O'Callaghan - 09 Sep 2011 11:10 GMT

> Dear all:
>
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>
> Any ideas?

Because it's a list with long components it wouldn't be incorrect to
insert the commas in square brackets but strictly speaking they aren't
necessary.

Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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John Hall - 09 Sep 2011 22:05 GMT

>Dear all:
>
[quoted text clipped - 4 lines]
>piece of information earlier[,] and if you won't tell anyone else, I
>will reward you."

I think that the commas make it easier for the reader to follow, but it
seems a very clumsy sentence. Also one of the tenses is wrong. It should
read:

"If you find out and tell me about any detail of what happened in
Downing street last night, and if nobody else has given me that piece of
information earlier, and if you won't tell anyone else, I will reward
you."

Signature

John Hall
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick
themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
Winston S Churchill (1874-1965)

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Einde O'Callaghan - 09 Sep 2011 22:38 GMT

>> Dear all:
>>
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
> information earlier, and if you won't tell anyone else, I will reward
> you."

Actually all the "will"s in the "if"-clauses are wrong. I missed that
earlier. The correct sentence, which is still very clumsy, should be:

"If you find out and tell me about any detail of what happened in
Downing street last night, and if nobody else has given me that piece of
information earlier, and if you don't tell anyone else, I will reward
you."

You can also leave out the word "about" and the word "street" in
"Downing Street" should be capitalised.

Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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John - 11 Sep 2011 17:49 GMT

I see.
Great, thank you both for the explanation!
John

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Discussion Groups / British English / September 2011

commas with several conditional clauses