English is not my native-language. So if you could help me :). Here it
is (it is a statement of purpose for graduate admission to a bigUNIV):
-------------------------------------------------
Statement of Purpose.
In what follows, I will describe what research I hope to do, how it is
related to research I have done, and why I would like to joint the PhD
research program in Mathematics at the University of CITY1.
I am interested, in a broad sense, in the following general areas of
research: Algebra and Foundations. Especially any meaningful mixture of
both. The Professors on the Faculty who may be interested includes the
ones cited below.
My M.Sc. focused mainly on algebra and number theory. There we proved,
by other means, a result concerning finitely generated torsion-free
nilpotent groups in the same localization genus by exhibiting some
arithmetical examples. Also, not so recently, I have been quite excited
about new possibilities of learning and research in those topics which
build upon mathematical logic.
Hence, I have looked over the work of Professor BIGPROF1 on set theory
and (set-theoretic) topology. I like the ideas and the methods inherent
in these topics. And since there seems to be a well established
``network" of topologists there at NEARBYCITY2-CITY1, I thought I
could ``also" benefit from the teachings of Professor BIGPROF1.
Likewise, I am also interested in the work of Professor BIGPROF2 on
that subject of computational complexity over general algebraic
structures. Here are additional miscellaneous facts which justifies
this interest: During my bachelor's degree program (in Physics), I once
did some research project in the theory of Lempel-Ziv ``complexity"
of pseudo-random binary sequences (from a dynamical systems point of
view); there was ultimately some links with mathematical logic. Then
during my M.Sc. program (in Mathematics), I encountered again those
ideas of randomness in the Cryptography & Codes course, through the BBS
generator. Also, the fact that I have had in the past, as an amateur,
some contact with the computer engineering world may explains my
interest in those topics of computability and computational complexity.
Finally, there is one more reason why I am considering the University
of CITY1; though this might seems a little superficial. The
availability of quiet on-campus graduate housing facilities that would
suit the needs of a PhD student is a main concern for me.
Continuing up to a PhD degree seems to me quite like a natural path,
rather than an exception. At least just for the joy to know a little
more, to gain a little more sophistication in the understanding of the
underlying concepts. And more importantly I guess, since this is a
research-oriented program, to obtain new results.
(Just to mention it explicitly: I have applied, with some hope, for an
BIGNATINSTITUTE scholarship.)
Mike Stevens - 04 Jan 2006 07:34 GMT
> English is not my native-language. So if you could help me :). Here it
> is (it is a statement of purpose for graduate admission to a bigUNIV):
>
> -------------------------------------------------
Your statement read very well to me - I wouldn't have known you weren't a
native speaker.
As somebody who myself holds a Ph.D. in a topic on the fringes of Algebra
and Foundations, I was also interested in the content of your statement,
although my Ph.D. was nearly forty years ago (in London University under
Professor P M Cohn), and the frontier of research has moved a long way in
that time - the dominant role of topology was only just beginning then.
--
Mike Stevens
narrowboat Felis Catus III
Web site www.mike-stevens.co.uk
mozert11 - 04 Jan 2006 08:20 GMT
> Your statement read very well to me - I wouldn't have known you weren't a
> native speaker.
Obviously, this is a first draft. I am going to give this letter to one
or two professors for review. The way I may say something
(vocabulary, etc...) may differ from the way a native speaker of
english would have said. What I need first is to be alerted on these
issues.
> As somebody who myself holds a Ph.D. in a topic on the fringes of Algebra
> and Foundations, I was also interested in the content of your statement,
> although my Ph.D. was nearly forty years ago (in London University under
> Professor P M Cohn), and the frontier of research has moved a long way in
> that time - the dominant role of topology was only just beginning then.
Well, what a coincidence!! I think I have already heard about the work
of Professor Paul Moritz Cohn... All this sounds great anyway!
If anyone has any additional comments that would help, please do not
hesitate.
> --
> Mike Stevens
> narrowboat Felis Catus III
> Web site www.mike-stevens.co.uk
Paul Burke - 04 Jan 2006 08:20 GMT
Just one point:
quoted items like ** ``complexity" **
should be ** "complexity" **
i.e. the same quote mark opening and closing.
Best of luck with the application.
Paul Burke
mozert11 - 04 Jan 2006 08:31 GMT
> Just one point:
>
[quoted text clipped - 6 lines]
>
> Paul Burke
Thank you very much for your comment. But for many (contextual)
reasons, this way of quoting items should not be changed. It is like
the "Statement of Purpose"... for many (contextual) reasons, it should
not be "Statement of Intent" or "Personal Statement" or whatever...
Any other comments will be very welcomed !
Molly Mockford - 04 Jan 2006 08:36 GMT
At 19:20:54 on Tue, 3 Jan 2006, mozert11 <mozert1@gmail.com> wrote in
<1136344854.590649.89170@g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com>:
>English is not my native-language. So if you could help me :). Here it
>is (it is a statement of purpose for graduate admission to a bigUNIV):
As others have said, it's very good indeed! Just a few grammatical
tweaks needed, mostly to make verbs match their subjects:
>In what follows, I will describe what research I hope to do, how it is
>related to research I have done, and why I would like to joint the PhD
>research program in Mathematics at the University of CITY1.
"joint" should be "join"
>I am interested, in a broad sense, in the following general areas of
>research: Algebra and Foundations. Especially any meaningful mixture of
>both. The Professors on the Faculty who may be interested includes the
>ones cited below.
Should be "The Professors... include" (not "includes")
>Here are additional miscellaneous facts which justifies
>this interest:
Should be "justify", not "justifies"
>there was ultimately some links with mathematical logic.
Should be "there were", not "there was"
>Also, the fact that I have had in the past, as an amateur,
>some contact with the computer engineering world may explains my
>interest in those topics of computability and computational complexity.
Should be "explain", not "explains"
>Continuing up to a PhD degree seems to me quite like a natural path,
>rather than an exception. At least just for the joy to know a little
>more, to gain a little more sophistication in the understanding of the
>underlying concepts.
Should be "for the joy of knowing a little more, of gaining a little
more sophistication..."

Signature
Molly Mockford
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety - Benjamin Franklin
(My Reply-To address *is* valid, though may not remain so for ever.)
mozert11 - 04 Jan 2006 10:07 GMT
Thank you very much Molly Mockford for your comment.
With all these corrections, I think my statement is approaching
something which is almost decent to read.
Any other comments are very welcomed!
Ivan - 04 Jan 2006 21:05 GMT
> Thank you very much Molly Mockford for your comment.
> With all these corrections, I think my statement is approaching
> something which is almost decent to read.
>
> Any other comments are very welcomed!
This is more style than grammar, but I would remove "I guess" from the
last sentence. It's too informal for such an application. Also I would
replace "Continuing up to" in the last paragraph with "Pursuing."
Ivan
mozert11 - 08 Jan 2006 17:09 GMT